QRS complex

Really want one.

2011-12-12T13:48:00.004+08:00

So the last post was about wanting a dog.

Last week, on the same day, guess what I got - two patients who brought their dogs.

Now i really want one!!

My Dog

2011-11-21T11:50:00.004+08:00

I have seriously been considering getting a dog but i don't think i can handle such big responsibility. I have gone as far as downloading an application form for a dog adoption. When people ask me what kind of dog i wanted, i say i want a dog that doesn't bark when unnecessary, doesn't poop or pee in my house, doesn't chew on my furniture, doesn't shed, and doesn't smell. I was told to get a stuffed toy.

But i have been practising with my friends' children and i don't know if i can be with them the whole day really.

Anyway, got this in my mailbox a few weeks ago.

I think it's a sign.
I wonder.

Grown

2011-10-24T14:56:00.003+08:00

The last time i saw her she couldn't stand up yet. I think i sent her to the hospital then. Most charming baby I ever took care of. She would be smiling despite having difficulty breathing.

Now she's running around the office and i can't catch her.

Ah, my babies are growing. *sigh*

BP

2011-09-12T13:27:00.003+08:00

Was it last year when the crackdown on illegal aliens in AZ was started? It was in the news for months.

In the clinic I work in, i have to pass by the a border patrol check point every single day. I have to roll down my windows, produce my passport, and answer a lot of ridiculous questions. Questions sometimes so dumb that I want to just tell them that I'm a US citizen so they'd leave me alone.

BP: Where did you come from?
Me: *smiling* Yuma. (there's only one road here, did you really have to ask?)

***

BP: Is this a rental car?
Me: *smiling* No. (ran out of questions?)

***
BP: May I see your passport?
Me: Sure. ( I hand over my passport and he looks at it, can't seem to find what he's looking for, and I know he doesn't know what he's looking for / looking at...takes about 3 minutes scanning that little piece of booklet...then realizes that he doesn't know what he's really looking for / looking at...looks at the stalled cars behind....looks at me sipping my coffee in my car....doesn't know what to do....and waves me over)
BP: OK, have a good day!
Me: Thanks. (and I take my time, take one slow sip, put my cup back onto the cup holder, roll up my window, smile, and drive slow.)

***
BP: US Citizen?
Me: No. ( i hand my passport)
BP: (looks at it, can't seem to understand what he's looking at, realizes a line is forming...) Please pull over to secondary.
Me: Why?
BP: Just pull over to secondary (secondary is where they ask people to wait, sometimes step out of the car, a lot of times strip the car if their dog smells something)
BP: Just do it.
Me: Why? I pass by here everyday, you still don't know what you're looking for?
BP: Just go to secondary, sir!
Me: OK. (me pulls over to secondary, open my window, sees BP walking towards me)
BP: Here's your passport sir, have a nice day.
Me: (have a nice day my ass.)

***
BP: where do you work?
Me: At the ********* (and if you actually read what you're holding you would know, and don't give me the excuse that you're just testing me)

***
BP: US Citizen?
Me: No (i'm the doctor that you consulted for a nasty rash on your groin the other day. btw, how is it? passed it on to your wife yet?)

***
BP: US Citizen?
Me: No (and i'm the same person you stopped yesterday)

***
Me: (driving my honda civic)
BP: Stop. US Citizen?
Me: No. (i'm asian. in a civic)

***
Me: (driving my friend's BMW SUV)
BP: Have a good day!

***
Me and Friend: (driving in a Hummer)
BP: Have a good day!

***
Me: (back in my civic)
BP: US Citizen? Passport?

***
BP: Citizenship?
Me: Filipino.
BP: Pacquiao! Have a good day!
Me: (eing?)

***
BP: Citizenship?
Me: Filipino
BP: Anow eng iyowng nasyownelided? Tema be?
Me: Teme ke!
BP: so when is Pacquiao gonna fight Mayweather?
Me: I don't know *small talk?*. Hey, i'm late.
BP: Good day!

lasing lang.

Facebook Updates

2011-08-13T16:02:00.007+08:00

Since my updates for the last 10 months were all on facebook, I have decided to take screencaps of my shoutouts here in my blog for posterity.

Starting Again

2011-08-08T15:57:00.004+08:00

October. hmm. 10 months ago was the last time i blogged. That was about the time i also went active on Facebook.

Like many others, i think, Facebook killed my blog.

But I miss writing. Sometimes phrases on Facebook just don't tell the whole story like it is. A few words just don't kick it.

I also tried tweeting. but i only got as far as registering and downloading the tweeter app on to my macbook. Part of me is getting lazy to learn this app. After a few posts, i stopped.

I am writing in very short sentences, i noticed. I guess this is what 'shootouts' has done to me. But I will try again.

So, it is 12.43AM, August 8, 2011, and today i RESURRECT!

Halloween 2010

2010-10-31T13:56:00.001+08:00

Cape - check
Retractable Fangs - check
colored contact lenses - check

E.
E for effort.

And what did i get? Tunnel vision and a few aphthous ulcers.
Last night's party was fun, tho.

check.

***

Happy Halloween Y'all!

Dinuguan for dinner!

Meow.

2010-09-25T15:05:00.002+08:00

"You can't breathe. you can't even finish a sentence without gasping for air. Why don't you want to go to the hospital?"

"I said i don't want to!"

"You are 83 years old. You need to be watched closely and receive medications through your veins."

"What don't you understand about me not wanting to go to the hospital?!!"

I take a deep breath.

"Ms. B., why don't you want to go?"

She looks away and mutters ....

"My cat. She's got no one but me. We only have each other."

Good

2010-09-14T14:05:00.004+08:00

September 2

That morning i couldn't keep still nor concentrate on my patients. The dreaded moment has come. I've been going back to the website almost every night to check despite a known scheduled result date. It's been a while since i felt like this.

I logged in and....

Dang! I'm good for seven years, option to extend to ten.

Did i say God is Good?

Aystilkentbilibit!

Now, i hafta buy myself something nice.

Whew...

2010-08-22T16:27:00.003+08:00

5 months is a long while. I haven't posted anything since March.

Well, i've been busy.

Busy with work...

and with this.....

Tadaaaa!

Oh who am i kidding...i've just been lazy to post updates.

blah blah blah.

Anyway hemingway, more to come. :P

D

Relics

2010-03-16T13:15:00.000+08:00

While waiting for my car's oil change and brake pad change, i slumped into a soft couch with other customers in the waiting area.

An old (really ancient) white man was peering at me through his thick glasses. From where i was seated, it looked like the couch was swallowing him. His walker was conveniently parked in front of him. The old hispanic woman beside him apparently was his wife. They were both smiling at me.

Old Man: Hello, young man!

Me: Hello, old..err..sir!

Old Man: Are you Mexican?

Me: Nope. Filipino.

Old Man: My doctor is a Filipino, and i don't like him.

Wife: (shakes her head). but he doesn't like a lot of people either.

Me: Looks like he does a good job of keeping you alive.

Old Man: I'm 93. And i'm healthy. I don't believe in all that doctor stuff.

Wife: (shakes her head telling me not to mind him)

I lower my head back into my magazine when the fossil talks to me again.

Old Man: What do you do?

Me: I'm a doctor.

Old Woman: Oh you look like a high school student! where do you work?

Me: Wellton.

Old Woman: I go there! Maybe i'll see you one of these days.

Old Man: You won't see me! hah!

I go back to my magazine.

Old Man: As a doctor, do you believe in God?

Me: yup.

Old Man: I don't. So you also believe that there is an afterlife?

Me: Yes, I do.

Old Man: I don't. I've read the bible three times. and i've also read books that tell otherwise. it looks like those books are more believable than the bible.

Me: uh ok.

Old Man: So when i hit the bucket, that will be the end of me. no spirit, no nothing. i don't think there's a life after this.

Me: Well, it won't be long til you find out, eh?

long pause....

All Three of Us: HAHAHAHAHA!

Old Man: I guess you're right. It won't be a long. Don't worry, i'll let you know.

All Three of Us: HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Back to magazine.

Wife: Well i believe in heaven but I don't want to go there.

Old Man: My mother, bless her heart, didn't approve of my marrying a Mexican. But this was in the 40s. She was like that, you know, thought colored people were different.

Wife: Yes, she gave me a hard time, that old woman. Treated me like a slave. She thought we were barbarians.

Old Man: But i married her (winks at his wife).

Wife: I was always nice to her. I brought her to Mexico to meet my people and everyone was so nice to her. They treated her like a queen. She was surprised that we didn't live in clay huts, that old woman. But no, she was mean to me.

Old Man: She took care of her when she grew old.

Wife: I did. Until she died. She said she was going to heaven. When she said that i decided i didn't want to go to heaven.

All three of us: HAHAHAHAHA!

***

Grey

2010-02-27T09:43:00.001+08:00

I found a grey nose hair sticking out my left nostril today.

Gaaaah.

Valentine's Day 2010

2010-02-21T18:01:00.001+08:00

This year i celebrated Vday with....myself...as usual. hahahaha.

i wanted to try a recipe for roast beef which i tore out of a GQ magazine so i went to walmart to buy ingredients.

i followed the recipe instructions and roasted the slab of beef in the oven at 500F. As usual i succeeded at setting off the smoke detectors again.

But the beef tasted good. I ate a splendid dinner and finished it off with with a glass of cabernet, watched a movie on netflix, and called it a night.

Belated happy valentine's day, y'all!!

13 months

2010-02-01T14:22:00.001+08:00

Remember this?

And this?

I just realized that it has been over a year since i quit eating rice.

So did i lose weight?

I did. I lost a li'l bit over 8 lbs. hahahaha. golly! all that sacrifice for 8 freakin' pounds!! worth it? i don't know. maybe. at least i'm not heavier than when i started.

Hemingway, i snuck a sushi last sunday. just one! mmm...rice...mmmm.......

here's to another year!

Overheard

2010-01-11T11:09:00.001+08:00

I couldn't help but listen to the couple next stall at the Dillards fitting rooms.

Guy: uh...my peepee caught in the zipper..

Girl: hun, we're not the only people in here, you know that...

Guy: oh, ok.

a few seconds later...

Guy: honey, i'm officially a size 32!! wohooo! (then he farts loudly) ooops, 31.

2010

2010-01-04T09:02:00.001+08:00

Why, hello, blog. It's been awhile. A long while.

I keep wanting to update but i really don't know where to start. I've had lots of stories wanting to be said but i never seem to get sit and start.

I guess i'm getting old.

Anyway, i resolve to update this blog quite often this year.

Yes?

Yes.

that's settled then.

Remembering Ike

2009-10-14T13:58:00.002+08:00

September 13, 2008

I woke up late that morning. Something was amiss. I got out of bed and walked out of the house and looked around. The neighborhood was deserted, all windows boarded up. The only sound to be heard was the rustling of leaves by the unusually strong wind that fateful morning.

My phone had multiple voicemails.

"where are you?! wake up!! i've been calling you forever. I know you are asleep again. Listen, Galveston is on mandatory evacuation. You need to leave now!"

That was two hours ago.

My roommates left the island last night while i went to the airport to pick up a friend, Marvs, who was visiting from the Philippines. I told him days ago that it might not be a good time to visit because of the storm warnings and all but he told me, "ok lang, exciting nga eh!". what could i do.

I went back to the house to wake up Marvs."Uh.. i think we need to leave." He sits up in bed blinking, started to stretch. I think it took a full minute before he finally said, "Ok."

First thing to pack was my box of important papers.

Next were my clothes. i threw a few shirts and pants in my bag and packed the rest into garbage bags and left them at a friend's 3rd floor apartment.

Next was my computer. Yes, i had a desktop then. I was so kuripot to buy myself a laptop so i had to lug my gianormous desktop everywhere i went.

When we turned the radio on, the announcement was this..."If you are still on the island by this time, DO NOT LEAVE. It is too dangerous to leave now. Just hunker down and pray. Again, we repeat, do not leave the island if you are still in Galveston. "

I have never heard the phrase "hunker down" used so much in my life.

Well, anyway, we were driving past the hospital with helicopters flying out our ICU patients when i apologized to Marvs because he might not get to see my Galveston after the Hurricane. Again he repeated the words, "hinde, ok nga eh. exciting."

So i turned the car and went to the seawall which was unusually empty. We could see that the waters have risen on the beach. We posed for pictures of ourselves and galveston (yes, nagpichure taken pa kame).

Then we drove to Houston to stay with a common good friend from medschool, Duane.

And Galveston went underwater in the next couple of days.

*post written during time Typhoon Ondoy was flooding Manila. Sorry for the timing.

Goodbye and Hello

2009-09-08T11:54:00.001+08:00

Goodbye TEXAS!!!

Hello ARIZONA!!!!

*****
mas muka ako bumbay sa AZ driver's license ko.

tae.

expires 2043 daw. parang tanga.

Moving...

2009-08-26T12:14:00.001+08:00

July 2009

" I don't have a lot of stuff. most of the tuff here are my sister's and a lot have been damaged by the hurricane."

"Ok, so let's list them so i can give you an estimate."

"One full sized bed, a wooden dining table with 4 chairs, i also have another dining table with 6 chairs and a sectional sofa with a big ottoman and a large single swivel couch, all of which are still in the furniture store. Need to be picked up on moving day."

" ok. how about appliances? TV? Fridge?"

" I don't have any but I'm moving my car too."

" Boxes? Do you need us to pack for you?"

" No worries. I already have them in plastic rubbermaid boxes. i have 10 boxes full of clothes and a couple full of books."

" That's it?"

" yup, how much?"

"(punching computer keys) that brings us to $3,400.00."

" Ok. Thank you."

****

So there, Everything taken care of.

****

I thought everything was alright until my Mom and Dad arrived from the Philippines and started to help me pack.

Mom: Ay, di mo ito dadalhin? Sayang anak, dalhin natin. Eto? dalhin natin. Ay ito pa, Dad! pakilagay sa box eto...

Dad: Gusto ko to, iuwi ko sa Pilipinas, dalhin natin ito. Pede ipamigay. Ilagay sa box. madaming nangangailangan...

blah blah blah blah.

_______________

"(talkin to the moving lady on the phone)...How many boxes did i tell you i was moving? Ten? oh, scrap that...make that 27 boxes. with a flat screen TV and a large microwave oven."

_______________

haaay. nasaan ang simpleng buhay?

Life Changing Decisions

2009-08-18T11:40:00.002+08:00

Dilemma #1. To go to fellowship or start working.

DUH! Tinatanong pa ba yun? Aba, bahala na sila magpakatalino! Gusto ko na kumita ng totoong pera! Now na!

***

Dilemma #2.To stay or to go.

The agreement was to go back to my beloved country and serve for two years...

or... the waiver,

be a physician in an underserved area the United States for three years...

The ingrate that i am, i chose the latter. You can't blame me, well, actually you can. But please, don't.

Don't worry, mahal ko pa din kayong mga kababayan ko. Except si boy abunda.

***

Dillemma #3. Easy life with big moolah or hard life with bigger moolah or hardest life with biggest moolah!

As soon as recruiters knew i was about to finish training, i would get at least 10 phone calls a day. My email was also full of offers that i had to put some of them in the spam folder.

4 day work week, strictly out patient, no calls, no pagers, no hospital duties. Enough moolah. Panalo.

***

So last December, i flew in to this place, and told them, I'll think about it. Pakipot.

March, i was on vacation in California when they sent me the contract which was approved by my lawyer (nux! may lawyer lawyer pang nalalaman. parang tutuo. feelingero.)

I signed.

Contract signing by Fedex. Picture taken by good friend, Mrs. Eya Dee. buwahaha.

*****

Life changing decisions. I hate doing them.

More to come.

Leaving Residency

2009-08-06T18:08:00.003+08:00

June 30, 2009

I have been hanging around the department for the past few days, going there in the pretense of me finishing my final paperwork, charts, faxes, etc. Although it's true that i have all those things to do, the real reason for my being visible there and sticking my head in every open office door, and making small talk with everybody, is that...i 'm gonna miss them all.

I bug Linda once last time for something sweet (she's diabetic but her office is full of chocolate/candies if you know where to find them). She gives me a pack of candies and shoos me out of her office because she has yet to finish the schedule for the next month.

I go to Becky's desk and ask her to teach me to work her fax machine even tho i knew how to do it. I go to Louis' office and, as usual he threatens me to " go empty your mailbox or else blah blah", as he usually does. i tell him i already did and he finally is happy (they know i check my mailbox once a year, during spring cleaning).

Next i pass by Ron's office and tell him i've completed all my online requirements, just for the heck of telling him. i don't want to argue with him this last day.

I drop by my adviser's office and spend a few minutes ranting and complaining about stuff, just like a regular day. But we both know i'm not ranting today because it is a regular day. I'm ranting because it is my way of saying goodbye. She gives me a tight hug, and it is enough to silence me.

It is 6pm. everybody else has left the building. I walk down the hallway one last time and take a picture of the place, which, in the past 3 years, i called home.

Done

2009-07-23T10:06:00.001+08:00

Just like everything comes to an end, so has my stay at the University of Texas Medical Branch Department of Family Medicine.

On June 27, 2009, i graduated. Again.

Bayaw, dad, mom, and I. The Filipino Mafia. Ate Lita and the whole family was there too, of course.

Accepting the "most handsome" award. As expected. hahahaha!

I have been very blessed to have known and worked with these wonderful doctors in my class.

It has been a good three years, i must say.

On to the next chapter.

Home at last.

2009-06-16T20:12:00.001+08:00

After over 7 months of living in other people’s houses, i’m home at last.

On the day i was moving back in, i saw the two painters at home and helped them move my stuff from the storage container to the house. After carrying a few loads, i was tired. A car pulled up in front of the house and ate lita and her her husband stepped out. Then came another car and ate lita’s son and grandsons stepped out. Then a red car arrived and out came my co resident. All ready to help. It was Bayanihan in the US of A. hehehehe.

I moved in 3 weeks ago to a house that is 95% finished. Spent a few days cleaning before i finally slept in my own bed with new sheets. I still didn’t get my hot water running for about a week and had no kitchen until after 2 weeks. Then my toilet started flushing hot water! ( don’t ask me how i found out, it wasn’t pleasant). One time when i got home i flipped the toilet lid up and voila! steam clouds.

The washer drain leaked, the dryer socket is 50amps instead of 30amp. I found out they forgot to install phone jacks on my walls. I called AT&T and they told me that it will cost me $120 to install ONE jack. ONE jack for $120. I wanted at least 4. It’s not rocket science to install a phone jack. I could do it myself. But i didn’t want to do it. Told the contractor to get his electrician to do it.

I’m settled now. I still do my laundry at ate Lita’s new house which is BIIIG and NIIICCCEE. Actually, I have my own room and bed at her place. I still eat dinner there every night. I don’t use my kitchen except for the microwave. I burned my chicken nuggets once and the house was full of smoke. I then realized that my contractors did not install smoke detectors. Nice.

I bought cheap curtains and a cheap rug for my room. I won’t be living here for long. In fact i’m leaving in a few weeks. So right now this is just a place for me to bunk in. My parents are arriving next week and i’ll be feeding them TV dinners on plastic plates and disposable cups. All my kitchen stuff are in a box somewhere in the garage. Did not bother to look for them.

This place just doesn’t feel like home anymore..

Goodbye, Ms. E.

2009-04-28T13:38:00.013+08:00

I had a bad day.

My most difficult patient in my three years of residency showed up today on the wrong time slot. She always leaves me at my wits end every time she comes to see me and, in effect, ruins the rest of the day. This is precisely the reason why i asked the clerks to always give her the last appointment so as not to be unfair for my other patients. But today, they gave her the second slot. Nice.

"You promised me an appointment to get my toenails trimmed."
"I did."
"Well, nobody called me."

"Lemme check the computer...see, you were scheduled last month, nobody was answering your phone when they called you."

"I did not get any calls. You lied."
"Ok, I'm putting in another request today. Let me email the social worker as well so that she makes sure you get a ride to the appointment."
"Make sure you do that this time."

"Your blood pressure is still not under control. Tell me your meds again?"
"I'm not taking any."
"What's your reason this time?"
"They don't work."
"We've been through this before. I've explained to you that blah blah...."
"Ok, i'll be a better patient next time."
"Yea, i've heard that a million times before."

" I believe i need Valium 10mg twice a day."
" Why?"
" Because of my anxiety."
" How about your Celexa and Wellbutrin."
" I'm not taking them."
" Why?"
" Because i want Valium."
" Well you're not getting any from me."

"I'll stop your Clonidine. It gives bad side effects with noncompliant patients. It won't do you any good."

"I DON'T NEED THESE PRESCRIPTIONS!! I NEED MY KLONOPIN!! GIVE ME MY PRESCRIPTION FOR KLONOPIN!!!"
" You're holding the prescription. It was the Clonidine i took out. You weren't taking it anyway."
" Ok, whatever you say. You're the doctor, i'm just the patient."

" Nobody's been sending me my diapers, my pads, and my wipes."
" How come?"
" You tell me."
" Ok, which agency sends them to you again so i can send another email to the social worker?"
" I don't know?!"
" You don't know who sends you your monthly supplies."
" No. "
" You've been receiving all these things for how many months now and you don't know who's been giving them to you."
" I don't know, you're the doctor and i'm just the patient."

I remember the first time i met her. She was a mess. She had been coming to this clinic for a long time now but i noticed that she did not have her own doctor. Nobody wanted her. I felt bad for her so i took her on my patient list - a decision that later on would always make me want to bang my head against the wall. If only i could turn back time.

My pager beeps at around 7pm. The access center.

"Dr. Duke, somebody is on the line. She says she needs to speak to you urgently."
"Ok, put her on....... Hello?"

somebody answers in a monotonous, expressionless voice...
" This is E. I need my Klonopin."
" I just refilled it. You aren't due for another refill until next month."
" I said I need my Klonopin or i'm gonna die tonight.

And there was this last time i stayed at the clinic finishing up my notes until around 7.30PM. I got my bag and walked out of the doors of the deserted building. I saw somebody on a wheelchair in the dark...creepy.....

" Excuse me, may i help you?"
"*sob* *sob* *sob*"
" Ms E?! I sent you home four hours ago, what are you doing here?!"
" I missed my bus *sob*"
" Let me call you a cab."
" I don't have money."
" I'll arrange it with the social worker."

And a lot of other stuff during my taking "care" of her. She wanted me to sign papers saying that she was disabled. I did not want to. She wanted me to sign papers for an electric scooter. I did not. She settled for a cane. I wanted to do a home visit to make sure her living conditions were healthy, she did not want me to see her house.

Back to today...

"Ms. E, i need to tell you something, I'm leaving next month. This is the last time we're going to meet."
"Ok."
" I just want to tell you that I took on your care 2-3 years ago hoping that we could work things out and make things better for you. I'm sad to say that it looks like i failed. I tried, but i can only do so much."
" I liked you. You were a good doctor and you were the only one who wanted to see me. I liked you until ... until you didn't get my nails trimmed."
"....?!..." what?!!
" You lied."

" Well i don't think you got any better. For a while there i thought we had some progress, but i guess it didn't last."

" I'm a bad patient."
" I didn't say that, but i can say that i am frustrated."
" I'll try to be better next time."
" Goodluck to you."
" My valium?"
" No."

And she slammed the door at me as i walked out of the room.

I was grumpy the rest of the day. I even went off at a nurse who has been testing my patience for some time now. This is a bad day. This is exactly why Ms. E. should always get the last slot of the day. But this will be the last time i get to see her.

Am I happy? No. Relieved, maybe, but not happy. I failed.

****

Our class used to have an hour every month where we get together informally and talk about our most difficult patient issues and learn to cope with them. This is an example of how powerful patients can become and how they can just get a hold of your emotions if you let them.

The Miserables

2009-04-20T13:16:00.005+08:00

Do you hear the people sing
Singing the songs of angry men,
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again.

When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start when tomorrow comes.

For over ten years i've waited for this time to come.
Although it finished its run on Broadway two years ago, I caught it during a limited engagement at the Sarofim Hall of the Hobby Center in Houston.

Was it as I expected? It was. Although I couldn't help wanting it to be sung the way the original cast did.

Where is it on my list of must watch broadway plays?

Second to Billy Elliott.

Go watch Billy Elliott y'all!!!

Slob

2009-04-11T14:03:00.030+08:00

A: Hey, can I hitch a ride with you?

Me: Sure.

A: Thanks.

Me: Are you updated with your tetanus shots?

A: Yeah, i think so. Why do you ask?

Me: Oh you'll see.

Opens the car door...

A: WHOAAH!!
I'm a slob. My car has trash from September of 2008 when the hurricane hit. Oh no, wait, it has trash from way before that. I'm surprised it doesn't smell. I decided to take pictures. Trust me, it looks worse in real life.

The backseat doesn't look that cluttered? that's because i have my white coats covering the mess. Hmm, so there's the shoe i've been looking for. And it's on a banana republic bag that contains a shirt that i bought in November of 2008. Under that white coat are 2 pairs of pants and some other clothes. and a lot more! unopened letters, journals...paper...more paper...

The trunk. It's not as as bad. The black box contains all my important papers. It was the first thing i took during the evacuation. Behind the box...is more trash. I see some of my shoes on the right side.

I'm currently staying at Dr. Guidry's vacation house all by myself. Been here since December. Here's my rooms. You're looking at the landing on the 2nd floor. The laundry basket, my bag from my NY-Sanfo trip last Feb (which still has clothes in it), and more trash.

This is the room i sleep in. You might ask, where is the bedsheet? I know it's somewhere on the bed. I think it's the green one at the lower corner. I'm not showing you the other side of the bed. It's worse.

Meanwhile, in the other room...

Lots of clothes still in bags and with tag prices on them. When you hate to wash and iron, you end up buying more stuff. :p I actually have enough shirts to wear to clinic for more than 2 months without washing.

There's one more room with more clutter and more clothes and more boxes. I don't want to post how it looks like anymore. I know you get the picture. Everyday i tell myself to get organized. Obviously i don't listen.

31

2009-04-07T13:47:00.003+08:00

12.04 AM

The phone rings....my sister in Sanfo..

"Happy birthday!!!!"

"tenkyu tenkyu!"

"here's Dani"

"Happy birthday tito!! I love you!"

"Thank you! Where's my gift?"

"Hmmm....here...muwaah! Huggies!!!"

"Sarap naman! muwah! huggies!"

"Dada says happy birthday. He also says you're itchy puwet."

"I'm not itchy puwet. Tell him thank you."

"Dada he's not itchy puwet."

"Here's jeremy..."

"jeremy, say hi....'haaay'"

"hello bugoyboy!"

"say happy birthday"...."hami memey"

"say itchy puwet.... "nyi mwet"

"i loove you!"

"nyay nyamyu"

blah blah blah blah blah

***

Today i turn 31.

And i'm eating Goobear peanut butter and jelly.
Happy birthday to me.

Hay Buhay.

2009-03-25T12:43:00.005+08:00

After 83 days without rice, i'm still overweight.

Dangit!

Here are my weights over the years.

1999. College Graduation............................................112 lbs (Lampayatot!!)
1999. Six months into medical school.........................136 lbs
2003. Medschool graduation.....................................146 lbs
2004. Post Graduate Internship
and Board Review.............................................156 lbs
2005-2008. PGY1-PGY3 residency............................156 lbs
December 2008. PGY 3 Residency............................165 lbs

First time in my life that i'm overweight. And i can't seem to shake it off.

Haaay buhay. Ngayon kelangan ko na gawin ang sinasabi ko sa mga pasyinti ko. Nagsign up ako sa gym. Mahirap ang tumatanda.

Lintek.

The Blue Pill

2009-03-15T07:40:00.013+08:00

I grabbed my coat and headed for lunch. I saw a small hispanic old man arguing with the receptionist on my way out. He saw me and smiled broadly. I recognized him as my 81 year old patient.

Old Man: There's my doc! Hey doc, i'm so glad to see you!

Me: Hey there, Mr. C. How are you?

Mr. C: What?

Me: I said how are you? (i see his hearing is not working again)

Mr. C: What?

Me: HOW ARE YOU?!

Mr. C: OH, I'M FINE DOCTOR! I JUST NEED SOME MEDICATIONS!!

Me: Oh, sure no problem. just tell this young lady here what you need and i'll call it in for you when i get back.

Mr C: WHAT?

Me: TELL HER WHAT YOU NEED AND I'LL CALL IT IN FOR YOU!!!

Mr. C: OK, I JUST WANT SOME VIAGRA!!!!

Me: WHAAAAT?!!!! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ON VIAGRA!!!!!

MR. C: OH YES I AM!!!! FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS NOW!!!

Me: OK, SET UP AND APPOINTMENT WITH ME TOMORROW AND WE'LL DISCUSS THIS!

Mr C: I WANT SOME VIAGRA OR MY 26 YEAR OLD GIRLFRIEND IS GOING TO LEAVE ME!!!!!

Me: OK, OK TOMORROW WE'LL TALK ABOUT YOUR VIAGRA!!!

I forgot that we were in the waiting room. When i turned my head, the other patients were already laughing.

Last Leg of the Trip

2009-03-07T06:20:00.012+08:00

Again, I'm sitting in the airport in SFO waiting for my flight.

Two weeks ago, i flew from Newark, NJ to LA just to see Disneyland. I'm 30 years old. I really did not want to go but i felt it obligatory that i have my picture taken in front of the castle. i thought it was a huge, gigantic, scary castle. it was not.

I have always wanted to come here when I was a child. It took 30 years for me to arrive.

It's blah for me now. I wish i had my niece and nephew with me. It would have been a lot more fun.

After my picture was taken..."tara, uwi na tayo. "

***

I flew to San Francisco to be with Dani and Jeremy. It has been about seven months since i last saw them. Dani was excited to see me. I was waiting outside the restaurant where we were having dinner when i saw the car park. The side door opened and out jumped a little girl. She ran towards me and gave me a big sloppy kiss and a tight hug. I have waited for this moment for a long time. I missed her very much.

While we ate dinner, she kept tugging at my sleeve to tell me stories. Knowing her, she did now want to show her excitement but she couldn't hide it either. Even in bed she would tell me stories. I would have to get out of the room and be out of sight for a while to get her to sleep.

Jeremy is running already. And he is so malambing. soo cute. Inday has new clothes although she has lost her lips.Mrs. Wong, the old lady who lives made a lot of dresses for her.

On my last day, Dani was having breakfast getting ready for school when i told her i won't be there when she comes home from school. She just nodded her head and proceeded to eat her cereals. She said nothing. A few seconds later, she was sobbing.

I picked her up and hugged her. I told her i'll be back and we'll have more fun together. I couldn't help but shed a tear myself.

I swear, i love this kid so much.

***

A few weeks ago, we tried our luck to get tickets to see WICKED on Broadway in NY. We couldn't get any. So, I went to San Francisco, to where it all started, The Orpheum Theater.

Wicked. It is about the untold story of Elphaba, the future Wicked Witch of the West, long before Dorothy dropped in.

A must see.

***
Bummer. Vacation's over.

1 <3 NY

2009-02-26T10:22:00.010+08:00

I first stepped on Times Square two years ago. The feeling was surreal. I knew there would be lights but i didn't think there would be LIGHTS! I could not believe i was really standing in the middle of it all. I was so happy that i wanted to laugh out loud and jump and shout. But at the same time a felt a surge of sadness that i had no one to share my happiness with. All of a sudden i wished my mom, dad and siblings were with me to experience everything there was to experience about NYC.

I went to NYC with 2 purposes: 1) To see snow; and 2) To watch Les Miserables on Broadway. I had memorized the lyrics by heart since college and i have been dreaming to watch it on stage.

It did not snow. (it did 2 days after i left NYC)

Les Mis tickets were sold out. I couldn't get tickets then. Sadly, it finished it's Broadway stint over a year ago.

2009. I went back

At the Winter Garden theater.
Mamma Mia, how can i resist you?!

By the end of the show everybody was singing and dancing. I purposely did not watch the movie version because i wanted to see it on stage. It did not disappoint.

Made me want to quit my job and join theater.

At the Minskoff Theater.

There's more to be seen than can ever be seen. More to do than can ever be done. On the path unwinding, in the Circle of Life.

Elaborate costumes.

At the majestic Theater.

Celebrating 23 years of Broadway's most haunting love story, it is currently the longest running musical in Broadway history. The Phantom of the Opera is a must see. This International phenomenon has won 8 Tony Awards in 1988 including Best Musical.

Very very impressive set.

The Phantom of the opera is here..inside your mind!

At the Imperial Theater.

My best experience so far....Billy Elliot.

It will make you cry and force you to a standing ovation. Days after watching it, it is still on my mind.

As the New York Post put it, "It is the BEST gift from Britain since Harry Potter."

I LOVE NEW YORK.

Travel With Me

2009-02-13T16:21:00.014+08:00

I'm going on a long trip.

Why? Well...ermmm...well...just because.

I know! Because i'm a victim of the Hurricane hence i deserve a treat. There ya go. And i'm still homeless now, mind you. Plus, i finished my last inpatient hospital rotation! No more night floats! No more calls! weeeee!!!!

So i got online and booked multicity flights.

***

I'm at the Hobby Airport in Houston waiting for my flight to Dallas. I'm bored and this airport has got no free public wifi. I'm so cheap that i don't want to pay for wifi in the airport. I'll just type my entries and publish them once i get internet access on the road. The guys beside me work in a ship. I eavesdrop. Always.

"Anything for a job, man, anything."
"Yeah, a lot of guys i know have been laid off. "

And I think about the recession, the lay offs. Depressing. I went to buy me a McDonald's burger instead.

***

I arrived here in Dallas at about 3PM. My next flight is supposed to leave at 4PM but they said it got delayed for about an hour. They even changed gates. Bummer. I decided to eat an early dinner at Subway. Now my breath smells of onions. This airport has free internet kiosks. You need to have a cord in order to hook up your laptop though. Like who carries an ethernet cord with them nowadays? Argh.

I listen to the phone conversation of the old lady beside me informing her husband on the other end of the line that she'll be arriving later than expected because of the delay. They further exchange pleasantries while my eyes start to wander. Why is that guy wearing bright sky blue socks? I see this lady wearing an army uniform. Has she been to Iraq or is she headed there? I see little kids running, oh how cute. I start to miss Dani and Jeremy. This guy pushing a wheelchair smiles at me and says, "kamusta po!" I answer, "Mabuti naman, Kabayan!" I watch everybody. I love watching people. I used to do this during my USMLE review days at McDonalds in the Philippines. Everyone is interesting.

They're calling all passengers to board now.

***

I'm on the plane to Newark, NJ and I'm sooo sleepy. I keep yawning and keep smelling my onion breath. Good thing there's nobody but me in my row of seats. I try to listen to my ipod but the drone of the engine is louder. I turn on my laptop but there's no internet. Lady behind me is staring at me because i'm taking a picture of myself. I wish i could blow air on to her side so she'll smell my breath but i can't do that without turning around. I attempt to answer the crossword puzzle in the plane magazine instead. I hate flying. I'm hungry and American Airlines doesn't give you free food. Not even peanuts. They even charge $15 for your first checked in baggage. I don't understand this. They started charging you for your baggage when the price of oil soared last year. Ok, that's reasonable, maybe. But the price of oil has plummeted since! And these airlines still keep on charging baggage fees. At least Continental and Southwest give out those sweetened peanuts. Soutwest Airlines doesn't charge you for your first baggage. That's pretty nice of them. And they usually have the lowest rates too. See what happens when i'm bored. I start to rant. This is not good.

***

I landed at Newark, NJ Airport at around 9.30PM. I'll be staying with friends from college.
Goals for the 9 days: Watch broadway in NYC. Watch broadway in NYC. Watch broadway in NYC.

***
PS. I don't usually camwhore. It's just that i didn't have anything other pic to post.

In Passing

2009-01-07T12:34:00.001+08:00

I called his number. I have been meaning to do this for a long time but due to more pressing things, i kept pushing it aside. An unfamiliar voice answered the phone. It was his dad. He gave me the sad news.

We talked.

***

Our last meeting was on September 9.

The Hurricane hit on September 13.

On September 19, he passed away.

10 days after he saw me.

I only learned about it in December.

***

His dad's final words to me, "It was beautiful. He died peacefully, in hospice care. Thank you, very much."

Despite the reassuring words, i know I failed to keep a promise.

***

picture above taken in my backyard in 2008, fence no longer stands. torn down by the hurricane.

Resolution

2009-01-02T16:24:00.001+08:00

i have but one New Year's resolution.

I will stop eating rice. ganyan. Lord help me.

(o ayan, papayat na ako!)

Ate Lita and Christmas 2008

2008-12-28T16:53:00.011+08:00

Her name is Lita.

She is 66 years old, Filipino, better known as Ate Lita by all of a handful of us Filipino doctors in the hospital. She works as a clerk in the records section.

I met her niece 2 years ago while in my nursery rotation. "so you're Filipino? then you must know my aunt. She can smell any new Filipino on the island. And she acts like she's their mother. "

And she does. She cooks and gets all of us together every possible chance, from the feast of an unknown saint, to thanksgiving dinners, to birthday parties of her relatives.

All the other doctors have since gone. I am the only one left. Since my sister left for Sanfo, i've been left with take out fast food or more often than not, microwaveables. She'd always call me and ask me to eat dinner with them. Dinengdeng, sinigang, pansit, kanin, tinola. I have become a common figure in the house.

***

After the hurricane hit, i was one of the many who went back to the island the first day they opened it to the public. After taking pictures of my house, i decided to drive by her house to see how it fared. She got 4-5ft of water.

Her sons and friends were carrying all the wet debris while she was seated outside on a chair. Her tears were about to fall. I hugged her and she started to sob..."twenty years, t his is twenty years of my life... all gone."

Family pictures, clothes, papers, furniture, appliances, all muddied by the flood. The cat survived.

After many tears shed, she asks me, "kumain ka na ba? hoy, maglabas nga kayo ng pagkain para kay Duke!"

At syempre ang kapal ng mukha ko, inaaraw araw ko sila para sa pagkain kahit alam ko na wala na silang bahay.

She would always collect extra MREs or food from the Red Cross or Salvation Army for me and my friend.

Oo, nag may i bring a friend pa ako. kapal no?

Ate Lita during the Post Hurricane Cleanup.

***

It has been 3 months since the hurricane. Our houses are not yet fixed. She now lives in her son's house in La Marque while i still live on the island. Almost every night, i eat dinner with them still. sukdulan.

When i don't show up for 2-3 consecutive nights, they start to worry. They call my cellphone and leave messages asking if i'm alright, and invite me back to dinner. oh, i do my laundry at their place too. and use their wireless internet. and watch tv.

and witness their family conflicts on the side.

***

They brought me along to spend thanksgiving with all their relatives in Houston. There I was witness to some more private family matters. I excused myself but she told me to stay put. While strong words were thrown about, and tears flowing abundantly, i remained seated, eating my turkey dinner and diet coke.

***

"Saan ka magpasko?"

"Itutulog ko lang po." (nuninuninu...fishing...fishing...)

"Ay hindi, dumito ka, magluluto ako ng dinuguan." (yahooo!)

***

She wanted to buy a cheap plastic kitchen mixer during the last Thanksgiving sale. She couldn't afford the expensive one. We woke up at 5.30am but we still didn't make it in time to get it. Apparently, a gazillion people woke up at 3am.

This Christmas, i bought her a mixer, a good one. When she opened the box, she was ecstatic and teary eyed, and gave me a big hug. She was so happy to receive a gift she really wanted. She kept on thanking me as if i did her a huge favor. Little does she know how thankful i am to have her.

***

It is 2am and i hear her son and daughter-in-law snoring on the living room floor in front of me. I am the only soul awake in her house. The others have long since retired to bed. They know i am here for internet and they let me be. I have just had my second serving of fruit salad from their fridge and am currently having reflux because i'm so full.

After i write this post, i will sneak out the front door to my car and head back to my own place for the night, only to be here again for dinner tomorrow. or maybe lunch.

Please don't worry about me. I am not hungry or cold. I am safe and warm and very much loved.

In all this chaos, I have found family.

Christmas Eve with Ate Lita.

I've Got a Friend

2008-12-09T12:36:00.005+08:00

~When you're down,

and troubled....

and you need a helping hand,

and nothing, nothing is going right.....~~~

bumili ka ng

New Macbook Pro Unibody.

yebaaaah!!!

I have crossed to the other side. Goodbye PC. Hello Apple.

tae, hirap nang laging nalolongkot. kung anu ano nabibile.

*********

Sad Week

2008-11-30T02:02:00.004+08:00

It has been a sad week for everybody at the hospital.

I still don't have a house. My contractor told me i might not be able to move in for Christmas, either.

Depressing.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

FOOD!

2008-10-13T12:13:00.006+08:00

It was ravioli, green beans and fruit salad that day. Plus chips and bottled water.

Sometimes they hand out meals ready to eat (MREs). MREs are meant to be completely self-contained meals that provide all the nutrition a solider-on-the-go -- or an evacuee from a storm -- needs to sustain him (ME!!!!). Typical contents include entree, side dish, crackers, peanut butter/cheese spread, dessert, instant coffee/tea, matches, toilet paper, spoon, and a heater to heat the main entree. While everything in an MRE can be eaten cold, it usually tastes better warm.

I'm getting the hang of this. I am feeling this!

I'm still waiting for the paypal donations, y'all!

Here's my priority list:
1. Macbook
2. Nikon speedlight SB800 flash
3. A baby grand piano, preferably black
4. A roundtrip ticket to the Philippines.

That's it for now.

Have a heart, people. Have a heart! ;P

No Permanent Address

2008-10-07T14:11:00.006+08:00

HOMELESS PERSON.

WILL WORK FOR FOOD.

PLEASE SEND DONATIONS TO MY PAYPAL ACCOUNT.

NOW NA.

Ike's Aftermath

2008-09-29T02:53:00.023+08:00

When you see boats on the freeway and parking lots, it starts to sink in how bad it’s gonna be.

More so when you know that you live two blocks away from thebeach.

11 days after Ike hit us, they finally let people back to Galveston, and I finally saw my house.

All throughout Galveston, the grass and trees were brown. I couldn’t see if it was the mud or because the fall season had begun. But I’ve been here two years at least to know well enough that we didn’t have those bright autumn colors, so it was mud.

My house was still standing but the back fence was down. I was mumbling a prayer when I inserted my keys to my front door. The keys turned ok but the door wouldn’t budge open the first time I tried to push on it. Ok, this is bad. I shoved the door with more force and it opened.

A musty smell wafted through my nose and although it was very dark because the storm shutters were up, I could see that my wooden floors have expanded because of the water, hence the difficulty open ing the door. I went to the den and it was filled with water still. The rugs in my room and in the living room were soaked and I had clothes and shoes that got wet. The newly painted and tiled den still had about 4-5 inches of water which needed to be drained.

The comfortable large couch, the dining tables and chairs, the rugs, the tv stand, the surroundsound speakers, computer tables and chairs, the printer, the washer/dryer, lawn mower, fridge, oven, dishwasher need to go. I think all three beds need to go too. A lot of personal items are destroyed – books, journals, clothes, sweaters, shoes. Wooden floors and all the walls needed to be replaced. This house was not going to be habitable for at least a month.

I go out of the house before I suffocate. Outside all my neighbors are carrying stuff out of their houses. They smile and wave at me and I do the same. I realize that they got more furniture, having lived there far longer than I. One neighbor offers me ice and lunch and starts a cheerful chit-chat. He proceeds back to empty his house and I start to take pictures of the damage for insurance purposes.

I opened all the windows and the sliding door to air out the house when out of the corner of my eye,I saw a brown thing dart on my lawn. It was gone when I turned my head. I kept still with my camera and wait patiently.

Just as I suspected, a familiar figure peeked from behind the tree trunk before it made a dash up to the branches of the tree in front of my house.

I smiled to myself. He survived.

We all did.

God is good. Life is good.

Evac

2008-09-12T00:46:00.002+08:00

We have started evacuating hospital patients to Austin and San Antonio 2 hours ago.

I am evacuating.

Leaving a lot of things behind. just packing a small bag with me.

I hope there will still be a Galveston to come home to after the weekend.

God help us all.

***

Please pray for us.

When do you stop fighting?

2008-09-10T12:18:00.012+08:00

September 2008.

He was hunched in his wheelchair with a blanket on his thighs, covering his right lower leg amputation from twenty plus years ago. Thin, he was very thin. He waved at me and smiled a weak smile, brown blotches on his teeth. I felt a pinch in my heart as i smiled back and shook his hand, then proceeded to my chair where the computer sat before me.

***
2007.

"I need refills on my Vicoprofen."

That was the only thing he needed to say for me to roll my eyes upwards and groan inside. But of course i did not do that.

"What for?"

"My pains."

"Where?", my one word questions showed that I was not in the mood. I have had patients shout and cuss at me, even walking out on me for not giving in to their addictions.

"here...here...here...everywhere."

Yeah, i've heard this a gazillion times and i even have a spiel for it ready.

"Mr. B, i have to tell you something before we continue. Very few of my patients, and i mean very few, are on narcotics. I have difficulty giving out habit forming drugs to patients i have only met once. Let me go through your history so we can see what's really happening. "

Multiple office visits for nonspecific pain. Missed at least 3 appointment referrals to the pain clinic because he says he "lost his insurance" and had just gotten on disability. At 44. On disability at 44 years old. He did not look weak at all. Except of the amputation on the right leg, this man could walk on his arms. All the more i did not want to give him his medications.

"Sir, I would like to discontinue your Vicoprofen and start with plain Ibuprofen."...i was waiting for a violent reaction which almost always comes after those lines.

"Ok."

I looked at him puzzled. I was expecting him to say that he was allergic to all other meds but the narcotics, or that you-do-not-understand-because-it's-not-you-who's- in-pain line that a drug seeker would usually throw at me.

I felt ashamed of myself.

"I'm sorry, sir, it has been a long day. Excuse me for my demeanor."

"that's alright."

"Let me check your labs, ok? It looks like they need updating. If something comes up, i will call you to let you know."

"Sure, doc. Thanks."

****
Labs drawn. Unusually high calcium. It was real pain. Multiple nodules on his lungs on chest xray. CT scan verified the nodules and described it as most likely spread from cancer somewhere........the Right kidney. Biopsy showed renal cancer.

I gave him his vicoprofen.
Surgery wanted to take his kidney out.

"Tell me if you would you want to go through this, T?" i called him by his first name now. With the spread his prognosis was poor.

"Yes, i do."

***
May 2008

Right nephrectomy done. He developed a large blood clot in his IVC . He also developed liver and respiratory failure and required intubation in the MICU. When he came to and eventually extubated, he developed another large clot for which he needed blood thinners. I visited him in his room on the 3rd floor.

"Hi, T. How are you?"
"I've seen better days."
"I know."
"i don't think i should've gone through this..."
"I'm sorry it had to be me to tell you about the cancer."
"the oncologists were impressed, really, how you found it and all. They told me i had a good doctor. I bragged about you."
"Thanks, T. i still feel that maybe i should have talked you out of the surgery."
"well...it's done..."

He did not show up for follow up. I called his house and left messages on his voice mail. He showed up a month later. I noticed his increase abdominal girth and his swelling legs. This was not good. He was just readmitted for altered mental status. CT of the head showed multiple lesions in the brain....more spread. He was supposed to get chemotherapy after his nephrectomy. Now he needed radiotherapy.

***
September 2008.

He was hunched in his wheelchair with a blanket on his thighs, covering his right lower leg amputation from twenty plus years ago. Thin, he was very thin.

He mumbled something...

"what's that, T? you saying something?", i leaned forward.

"i don't think i'm gonna make it." he whispered while looking down at his hands.

there was a tightness in my throat. i placed my hands on his lap.

"it's ok if you don't want to do this, T....it's ok....there's nothing wrong with not getting further treatment. it's ok...", i was running out of words to say...

He continued to stare at his blanket.

"i want to do something for you, T. I want to make you comfortable and pain free. I don't want to cause more pain, or harm or discomfort. I don't want you to spend more time in the hospital than with your family at home. we can cancel the treatments planned and just make you stay home, if you want that. I'll make sure you're comfortable...would you want that, T?"

"yes...yes." He nods.

I could not take it anymore. I needed to get out.

"i'd like you to meet somebody. She will talk to you about care that i would like you to receive. It will involve other health workers but i will make sure that i will still be much involved in your care. I promise you that. I will still be your doctor. I will visit you. "

"ok"

"Her name is Leah. She's the social worker who's gonna arrange everything for us. Would you want to talk to her?"

"Yes."

I walked out the door and headed towards the social worker's office. Before knocking, i turned around and went into the procedure room to wipe my tears. I headed back to the the social worker's room, trying to sound composed but my red eyes and my cracking voice betrayed me.

"Leah, give me the best hospice care team you've got."

*****

They Have Arrived.

2008-08-22T12:54:00.004+08:00

My roommates, both 20 year old white males, arrived yesterday.

After discussing the contract, house rules, and ways to make life easy for all of us, one of them blurted out...

"hey, you know, you're cool for a 30 year old. "

***

Dangit!!
i feel old.

Edouard

2008-08-06T15:03:00.004+08:00

Narinig ko yung pangalan nya kahapon. Pinaguusapan sya ng mga nars. Isip ko naman pasyente sya na may issue.

Tapos narinig ko na lang, pinapauwi na ang ibang empleyado. Isasara na daw yung building by 5pm kaya dapat daw wala nang tao dun by then. Kinansela ang klinik para sa susunod na raw. Ang buong ospital, mga essential personnel na lang ang matitira kasama ng mga pasyente dahil kay Edouard.

Si Edouard. Tropical Cylclone pala. At paparating na sya. At naka Hurricane warning 1 na pala kami. At ako si tanga.

Ang iba kong kasamahan ay nagsilikas na papuntang Houston.

"Duke, if ever they call for an evacuation, you're welcome to join us in Houston. Just give me a ring, ok?"

"Hey thanks. I'll be sure to call you if i need a place to stay. "

Ayan, mababaet naman sila.

Sabi nila, magstock daw ng madaming pagkain. Lahat ng tao pumunta sa grocery. Ubos ang carts sa grocery! At mahaba ang pila.

Ako, nagmamadaling pumunta magrent ng DVD kse wlang pasok bukas, yey!! Ako lang mag isa nagrerent ng DVD.

Sabi nila, bumili daw ng mga batirya kase daw baka mawalan ng kuryente.

Bumili ako ng mga batirya! Pag uwi ko sa bahay.....di ko alam kung saan ko gagamitin yung batirya ko. Wala pala akong flashlight. Ang galeng ko.

Magstock daw ng drinking water.
Madami akong coke at juice. Yung 3 malalaking galon ko ng tubeg sa bahay ay hanggang pasko aabutin. Akchali, isang buwan na yung mga yun, di pa nababawasan.

Magstock daw ng pagkain.
Ay, sa lagay ko ngayon na mag isa lang ako sa bahay, delata lang talaga kinakain ko kaya madami akong delata dyan.

Binaba ko mga storm shutters ng bahay ko para di mabasag mga salamin. Nanuod ako ng DVD. Inaantay ko si Edouard. 4am na ako natulog pero wala pa din si Edouard.

Nagising ako mejo hapon na. Parang tahimek. Erkon lang naririnig ko. Sumilip ako sa labas. Wala. Walang pagbabago.

Dumaan na pala si Edouard di ko ma lang naramdaman.

Gentle pala sya.

The Hunt Is On

2008-07-28T13:15:00.008+08:00

I have been looking for 2 roommates for over a month now. I have posted flyers and have registered online at roommates.com and easyroommates.com.

So far, here are my matches. you might find them amusing.

---------

48, Male, Single.
"I am clean and sober."

Errrr...I don't think I would like a roommate who uses those words to describe himself.

50, Male.
"Currently healing a broken heart. I just came out of a relationship."

Ummm....no?

46, Female, Smoker.
"Jobless."

I need someone to help me with the mortgage, meaning...will..pay..rent?

36, Female, professional.
"i own 1 rare breed of dog and 2 old cats"

No.

wait, It gets better!

26, Female, Model
"I am from Cyprus and will be going to the USA to start modeling contract. I am willing to send deposit to secure the place. Do you accept bank cheques?"

huwaw! model!!! Sure sure! Come on down!! me waiting.

28F, Nurse
"Born and bred in france, i speak french fluently so i can teach you the language.Lived all my life in Paris until mom died and had to move to S. Dakota.I served in the Paris Red Cross for 8 months,we have involved in projects that includes orphans,orphanages, heart related diseases in children betweeen the ages of 4-10yrs"

How sweet...What a saint...of course i write her back giving details of the house and utility bills.

She writes back.

"I have a sick uncle back in France that I need to see first but I will secure the place with a
deposit. Do you accept bank cheques?"

hmm...sounds familiar.

29, Male, Professional

"I own a company here in London and am planning to branch out in the USA. I will need a place to stay. Your place is just perfect. I would want to take it and am willing to pay in advance. Do you accept bank cheques?"

hmmm..something sounds familiar. and i get 11 similar emails in one day. All of them are from all parts of the world wanting to be my roommate. and they all want to secure the place with bank cheques.

verdict: I have proven, many times, that... I am hot. everybody wants to room in with me.

i google their email messages and scam scam scam is written all over. i play with some and send back innocent emails and they actually respond! They tell me their goals in life, their saintly vocations and their Christian backgrounds. after a few messages, they just stop writing back.

oh well,

i need roommates y'all!!!

****
akchali, may mga b*mbay din nagemail. pero syimpri ayoko kse dumidikit amoy nun sa mga dinging. not nice yun.
****

picture above is a view of my hallway from my old room.

Seashells

2008-07-12T11:50:00.007+08:00

"will you miss me when you leave for california?"

"yes, tito."

"will you call me?"

"yes, tito."

"would you like to walk with me on the beach for one last time?"

"yes, tito."

our last date. getting our feet wet and picking up seashells at 10.30PM.

***
"Seashells" taken at the Galveston Seawall, November 2007.

Goodbye.

2008-07-06T15:16:00.008+08:00

Three.

That's how many times i've kissed my sister.

1990. It was her first time away from home for a long time. She went to the Philippine Science High School and i was so excited when she came home during her first Christmas break. She waived at us from her window seat while my dad and I waited for the bus to come to a complete stop. I rushed inside and while she was trying to get her bags, i gave her a peck. she said eeewww, then wiped her cheek with the palm of her hand. It would be 14 years until i would kiss her again.

2004. Manila Centennial Airport. She was moving to Canada with her family. It was an eventful year - me passing the medical boards, my dad getting his triple bypass, and now, my sister leaving. She would now be more than a bus ride away. The atmosphere was rather uncomfortable since we weren't really a touchy-feely family. i had this swelling in my throat that grew each minute before she was to depart. And then she needed to go and the lump in my neck was about to burst. i gave her a brief peck in the same cheek and gave her a brief hug and said 'ingat'. She smiled and said goodbye, walked forward and never looked back. I saw tears welling in her eyes before she turned away.

2008. Houston International Airport. It was time to say goodbye again. I have been living with them for two years while doing residency training in Galveston. Her husband got accepted to Stanford University for fellowship, hence the move. Her family went ahead a week earlier while she stayed with the baby to finish some last errands. She was different that week, i could tell. Usually she would be irked by me for a lot of reasons, but this time she wasn't. I guess she knew she was leaving me on my own now after taking care of me all this time. After checking in all her luggage it was time to go. i gave my sister a very tight hug albeit a brief one, then i planted her a kiss, this time on the forehead. I said thank you for everything. And as i turned to give her a last wave, she was smiling...with tears in her eyes. she turned around, walked forward and never looked back. I turned back and as i blinked, the tears started falling.

Outside, the rain started to pour.

*****
"lonely boat". Picture taken at Galveston Bay in November 2007.

Fineaffol

2008-06-23T14:14:00.009+08:00

June 21. Formal evening.

Catherine: Dr. Duke! you look so handsome in your pineapple!!
Me: huwaa?!

ay. nakabarong pala ako.

palaging hit ang barong ko dito sa mga formal gatherings eh. Lahat sila gustong pisilin yung barong ko. Feeling ko tuloy pang show-and-tell ako palagi. Tapos palagi nila pinapaulet saken kung pano bigkasin yung barong. Uulitin ng mga kano, "Bawong. I like your bawong. Where can i buy a bawong? " Tapos uulitin ng mga espanyol, "Bahrrrowwng." hanep. hayup.

ang di nila alam eh iisa lang ang barong ko. at etong barong na pinipisil pisil nila eh parehong barong na pinisil pisil din nila last year. (na hindi pa ata nalalabhan, but tenks to Hugo boss na mabango). Akchali, nakuha ko lang tong barong na ito kse nag-abay ako sa kasal. ang cheap ko.

pero aliw pa din sila. parang palaging first time nila nakikita palagi. parang mga baliw.

Ang barong. Bow. Proudly, philippine made.

Close?

2008-06-12T14:10:00.006+08:00

In the clinic while i was typing in my patient's medication, he suddenly blurts out...

"Hey doctor, you sure are growing a tummy right there."

...
...

Panalo.

Buwisit.

All in 2 Weeks

2008-06-06T11:31:00.024+08:00

What can go wrong in 2 weeks?

Lemme tell you.

1. I woke up one morning, showered, dressed, walked out to my car only to see this.

Of course i immediately checked the glove compartment and the spot in between the front seats where i keep things....nothing missing. There was still $30 in there. Whew.

...hmm...So why would the asshole break my car window and not take anything? Anyway, that window would cost me $252.00 to replace later that day. Kaching! Kaching!!

2. So i walk back into the house announcing to everyone..."my car window has been smashed...but they didn't take anything."

Then my sister asks...."how about jill?"

Shit! i run back. How could i forget jill?! of course, she wasn't on the dashboard anymore. They abducted her!!! waaaaaa!!! There goes my $600 GPS. Kaching! Kaching!!

I knew i wouldn't surive without a GPS so i bought a new jill that cost me $292. Kaching! Kaching!!

3. I called work that i wasn't going to make it to the hospital today. So i went to the dealership to have my window replaced ($252). And since i was already there, i also went in the for the scheduled maintenance of my car. I had the new window tinted and they found something wrong with my right front wheel which they repaired. Maintenance cost: $290. Kaching! Kaching!!

4. Days later, i went to the bathroom to pee. when i bent down, i saw my phone slide from my breast pocket in to the yellow sea in front of me...which was of course my fresh, warm pee. I saw it all in slow motion. i also saw my hands go for the phone , also in slow motion. Plok plok! That phone cost me...oh, it was a gift. It was the first phone i ever owned that had a camera and bluetooth.

I needed a phone, so i got the same model and bought some casing with it for added protection. I don't think they sold one that was urine-proof. Cost me $42 for the replacement. Kaching! Kaching!!

5. I was driving my sister's CRV along harborside, when i saw this black CRV (same model) drive up alongside me. I looked to see that the driver was this lady with short, chic, black hair, and wearing big dark sunglasses. She sped up. I stepped on the gas to catch up and took a second look. She looked at me....looked back on the road and then smiled to herself. the smile was strange though, sort of the smile you do when you knowingly face defeat...so i smiled to myself also and turned my attention back to the road.

and i saw why she had that resigned smile.

two policemen on motorcycles, one beaming a radar on my car. we were both running 11mph above the speed limit.

so there, two CRVs being trailed by two cops on motorcycles along harborside.

The ticket would have cost me $200 but i chose to take the defensive driving course instead. it cost me $108 plus $25 registration fee. Kaching! Kaching!!

6. I felt hungry. i saw some cup noodles in the cupboard and decided to heat one in the microwave. open microwave, insert cup with water and cover, close microwave, set to 1.5minutes, start. ZZZZZzzzzzzzz....i smell smoke....i see smoke....where there is smoke there is fire...is that fire i see? Yes, it was fire.

the underside of the cupnoodles' cover was made of foil.

All in two weeks y'all!

************

Oh and then two weeks later, i woke up late, missed my flight to Colorado, and paid $308 for a new ticket. Kaching! Kaching!!

I am soo not eating this month.

Hmm...
Please send your donations to Myanmar and China.
Bless your hearts. Just click here. *evil grin*

2008-04-08T07:33:00.002+08:00

I turned 30 today.

Pakshet.

Done

2008-01-16T22:17:00.000+08:00

USMLE Step 3. The final leg.

Over and done with.

***
Step 1.

Step 2CK.

Step 2CS.

Step 3.

"gleng talaga ng Diyos ko."

Falling Leaves

2008-01-07T07:16:00.000+08:00

"tito, makatiiiiiii!"

"dyan ka lang! wag ka gumalaw! ngumiti ka!"

...the things a photographer does to get his shot. Hay, kapagod. Whew!

****
click photo for better resolution.

Extravagance

2007-12-27T15:12:00.000+08:00

October 2007
Hospital Conference Room:

O: Dude, i'm not happy.

Me: Neither am I.

O: I slave in the hospital and i go home to an empty house. It's lonely, dude.

Me: I'm just not happy. I think i need to buy m'self something.

O: yea, let's do that. Let's feed ourselves with material things to compensate for our misery.

Two months ago, i bought something for myself.

Ok, lemme rephrase that....i always buy somthing for myself....but two months ago, i bought m'self something big.

My most expensive extravagance so far.....

Now i feel like i need to be extra good and extra nice to deserve this.

****

It has been 2 months and i still haven't found the time to explore the ins and outs of my camera.

Halloween

2007-11-03T12:52:00.000+08:00

Halloween na ulet.

2006.

Dani: Mama, tito, gusto ko maging princess.
Mama: Hay naku anak, lahat na lang ng batang babae gusto maging princess. pare pareho na lang kayo. Bukas parepareho kayo ng costume.
Tito: Oo nga. Dapat kakaiba ka.

ang resulta....GEISHA

2007.

Dani: Mama, tito, gusto ko maging princess.
Mama: hay naku anak, blah blah blah...
Tito: blah blah blah...

ang resulta...KABAYO

Tama ba yun?

hehehe.

****

6 months in one post

2007-10-15T03:19:00.000+08:00

I don't know where to start. It has been so long since i last blogged. I guess i have to pick up where i left. so here goes...

MAY - I was doing my MICU (medical intensive care unit) rotation that i the only writing i had time for was for death certificates. And there were a lot, i tell you. Such depressing stories that i don't want to write about in this blog, lest i get everyone else jaded. A lot of inspiring ones surface every once in a while though, just enough to give my burned out spirit the necessary boost to get by for another week.

JUNE - Easy rotation. i just didn't feel like blogging. in fact, i didn't feel like doing anything. just tired. Tamad.

JULY

1. My mom and dad arrived from the Philippines - i never thought it w0uld be this soon. I really thank God for answering my prayers this soon. they even got a 10 year multiple entry visa. Talo pa ako, syet.

2. Jeremy was born - My sister gave birth to her second child. Tito na naman ako! yey! mejo masunget nga lang yung bata. kse di pa nya oras lumbas pero pinilit lang namen kse kelangan na namin byumahe papunta sa kelipornya. kaya ayun, kahit di pa oras lumabas e pinilet. hehehe.

3. Went to California for a whole month.
And i drove all the way to San Francisco and Back! wohoooooo! that was like about 5000 miles all in all. Another road trip like last year but this time with me on the wheel. It took us three days because we needed to stop every 3 hours for my sister in the other car to breastfeed and when night fell, we'd check in to the nearest motel.

My mom and dad decided to ride with me. Well they had no choice. I almost gave my dad a heart attack and my mom an ulcer.

"O, bakit ang lapit lapit mo sa sasakyan sa harapan?"
so i back off. ten minutes later...

"O, bakit ambagal natin? di mo na sila nasundan. ang layo layo na nila ah."

another ten minutes later...

"Wag ka mashadong mabilis, nakakatakot ka magdrayb."
buntunghininga....

"Bakit ganyan ka lumiko? magslow down ka nga. mag break ka. aatakihin ako neto eh."

buntunghininga....

"Hinay hinay ka naman sa break mo. Susme! baket ka ganyan magbreak?!."

buntunghininga na labas sa ilong...

Sabi ng tatay ko sa nanay ko..."Palit nga tayo. ako dyan sa likod. Di ako kumportable dito."

buntunghininga...

"bakit mo ba kse kelangan pang lumingon sa likod eh may side mirrors ka naman?!"

kagat dila.....

ganyan ang eksena sa Houston...sa New Mexico....sa Arizona... sa California. Pagdating sa San Francisco, sobrang bilis ng mga sasakyan sa freeway, mejo nahirapan akong sumabay sa mga sasakyan at malalim na din ang gabi. Nagkamali ako ng exit kaya mejo nawala.

"Bakit ibang exit? Saan na tayo? Tumawag ka nga. Asan na tayo? Tsk tsk tsk."

at pumutok na ako. hindi maganda ang eksena. tatlong araw kami di nag usap ng tatay ko.

JULY-AUGUST
- pa tour tour lang. dito. dyan. kung saan saan. punta ulet sa golden gate bridge ulet (na sa totoong buhay ay RED), crookedest road ulet, sanfo ulet, universal studios ulet.
-drive pabalik sa Galveston. Dumaan muna ng las begas at grand canyon. mejo peaceful sa loob ng kotse ngayon. hah!

AUGUST
- lipad papuntang Chicago. papiktyur lang sa munggo. tapos uwi na.

SEPTEMBER
- Balik ospital. Syet.

OCTOBER
- HAYM BAAAAAAAACKKK. HEHEHEHEHEHE.

I decide to start blogging again.

Hellooooo?!

2007-09-19T10:53:00.000+08:00

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO??!!!!

ANYBODY HOOOOOOOOOOOOOMEEE??!!!!!

HMMM.....

Dani turns 4

2007-05-27T13:59:00.000+08:00

She woke up early this morning, excited. I could hear her going about her business from my room. Her mom did not have a hard time sending her to bed the previous night- a rare occurence i may say. She knew that today was going to be a big day. She was celebrating her 4th birthday at Chuck-e-cheese's with friends!

She wanted to go to her party as a princess, so she donned her yellow gown, the exact replica of Belle's from Beauty and the beast, complete with the beads and glitters and all. She never had the chance to wear it again - not that she did not want to. In fact, had she had her way, she'd wear it to school, to the mall, to the playground, but mom would hear nothing of it. But today was different. It was her big day. Her cake had a minature princess "Belle" on it too. She felt good in her golden gown with all the ruffles. She slipped her tiny feet into the golden shoes which her mom bought just to match the dress.

Though i did not see her do it, i'm sure she took out her barbie comb and blowdryer and did her hair before her mom put on her head band. I'm also quite sure she put on her barbie lip gloss told her dad about it when she had the time.

I was still in bed when they left for the party. I promised them i would be there when she blew her candles, how could i miss my love's 4th birthday? Her dad drives fast and i knew they would get there on time for the 10AM start. And i knew i needed to get moving also if i wanted to catch them. So i took a bath, and drove my car to the gas station for a full tank. And drove my fastest to reach the venue, with a mental picture of all the kids scurrying all around, and moms running after them.

I reached Chuck-E-Cheeses about half past ten. The place was deserted. i looked around and found them. Just the three of them. Her mom just shrugged, "nobody showed up".

I reached down and hugged my lovey trying to protect her from getting hurt. "I'm sure everybody's just late like me. Let's wait."

And wait we did, while the four year old was busy inserting her tokens into the machine and collecting her tickets, oblivous to what was happening. The staff already told us that we didn't have to pay for the party since there were no guests. Finally, we decided it was time to blow her candles. One staff member asked if we still wanted the mascot to come out. We sure did. So there we were, her mom and dad, a staff, and Chuck-E-Cheese himself, singing ang clapping happy birthday to our lovey, Dani, who, like all kids, found the mascot amusing.

There were 5 birthday celebrants that day, each with his/her own long table for her guests. The little girl in the next table was turning 5 and she was dressed as a ballerina - ballet shoes, tutu, and all (plus a tiara too). she had piles of gifts stacked on the end table. the other celebrants...well i didn't care about them. they had lots of guests.

Two hours later, while we were busy squandering all the tokens we had, a guest finally arrived! Ariana. She was accompanied by her dad who apologized for coming late because he had not had any sleep yet. they were the only people who showed up. after having pizza and cake, Dani grabbed Ariana's hand and off they went to enjoy the rest of the day together.

And so it was. A princess celebrated her fourth birthday with parents who love her so much, an uncle who dotes on her, a friend who did not let her down, and a giant mouse in place of a beast. I guess the fairy tale ended well.

***

Happy Mothers' day

2007-05-13T15:06:00.000+08:00

Call Pager beeps. Transfer from MICU.

9th floor. I peeked into the room and see this very thin woman with eyes bulging from their sockets, staring back at me. I smiled and waved. She just stared back.

Chart Review: Caucasian female in her 40s, dxed with Stage IV SCLC - lung cancer with metastasis. Presented to the Emergency Dept with shortness of breath and Oxygen sats in the lower 80s. Refused to be intubated. Was admitted to the ICU and kept on a rebreather and high dose steroids and antibiotics for the past week.

Everybody knew she wouldn't make it out of intensive care. The family was primed to expect the worst. She was a mess and she could go anytime, but her advance directives told us that she was a full code, meaning full interventions if she went into cardiopulmonary arrest. She wanted a full code despite knowing that she was in the terminal stage of her disease. She said she would fight death.

And she was here now, in a regular room, with only a nasal canula for oxygen supplementation.

When i walked up to her to introduce myself, i knew she would die under my care. She was so frail looking and her sternum was so deformed because of the bone mets. I began thiking, if she were to die on me, and she's full code, how can i possible do chest compressions ...."Hi, doctor, what's your name?", her voice snapped me out of my thoughts. It sounded strong and confident, something i never expected from her.

After the introductions, i asked her when exactly was she diagnosed with the cancer. She looked at me straight into my eyes and lifted her bony finger in front of my face. She said, "Doctor, i will not allow that word to be uttered in my room."

So be it. That was the last time i said the C word.

Everyday single day when i'd visit her, she'd stick out that same bony finger and tell me, "I'm going to be better and i'm getting out of this hospital to be with my children. I'm telling you, i'm not going to die yet, not this time, Doctor, not this time." To which i would reply, "Well, that's good to hear, Mrs. S." But in my coat pocket i always carried my Advanced Cardiac Life Support (ACLS) booklet because i feared she would arrest anytime.

One day, after telling me again that she wasn't gonna die on this admission, she asked me, "You don't believe me, do you? You dont' believe i'm going to make it out of this hospital alive." And she was expecting me to answer her question. Damn, they don't teach you this for the clinical skills exam. My mind racing for an answer, i say, "Miracles happen everyday, Mrs. S. We are all entitled to a miracle." She said, "You're right, doctor. But i know you don't believe me. And i'm gonna prove you wrong, just like i did to everybody."

When i walked out of her room that day I thought to myself, "Yes, Mrs. S. I'd like you to prove me wrong."

****

I met her 10 year old son and 11 year old daughter. Her daughter was finishing some puzzles while her son was seated on the couch. She said, "Come in, doctor, i'd like you to meet my kids." She introduced me to her daughter who was nice. Her son, however just bowed his head and looked at the floor when introduced to me.

When they left, Mrs. S. whispered to me, "I'm sorry, he's just a shy boy. But he's my baby. His uncle tells me he cries all the time but he has never cried in front of me. Even when he was a little boy, he hated it when i caught him crying. He knows i'm going to leave them soon but he doesn't understand why." Tears welled up in her eyes and the determined look in them that i was accustomed to, was gone. It was now replaced by a tired and resigned expression. She stared blankly at the door, her voice faltered, the air of confidence lost, "I promised him i was going to teach him how to drive. I was going to take them both driving. They're too young. I still need to teach him how to drive." Finally the tears rolled down her cheeks. For the first time i saw her as a mother, not a patient. "Now, doctor, you see why i can't die yet."

****

A few days later, i printed out her discharge summary, arranged an ambulance to take her wherever she wanted to go. With her kids. She proved me wrong.

Miracles do happen.

Happy mothers' day.

****
I took care of this patient in November of last year. I don't know what has happened to her since.

I Met Superman

2007-04-22T11:08:00.000+08:00

I was tired and my shift was almost over. I was doing my Pediatrics ER rotation. I checked the computer for the wait list and saw the next one was a 5 year old male with a chest wound. Room 45.

I dragged myself to the door, straightened my coat and took a deep breath, knocked, opened the door and put on my best smile.

Me: Hi! I'm Dr. Duke, how may i help you ? (trying to sound it wasn't my 20,000th greeting for the day )

I shook the parents' hands and turned to the bed where a 5 year old boy was sitting up with an outstreched hand eagerly waiting for me to shake his hand.

Me: Hey buddy! how are you? My name is Duke. What's yours?

S: Hello. I'm Superman.

Me: Ermmm...ok. Wow, i get to meet superman! How are you today?

And he started to tell me his story...

S: ...and i was fighting them bad guys (breathes) and they run away (breathes) and then i go after them (breathes) and then i fly (breathes) and then the bed (breathes)..i hit the bed.

Me: Awww....

Mom intrudes: he jumped from the floor to the bed and the sharp metallic corner caught his chest. he always hurts himself. he just broke his arm last year. but he still keeps running and jumping around.

Me: Well they're boys. i guess they're bound to have a scratch or two at this age. Hey superman, may i see your chest?

Superman: No. (he pulls the blanket to his neck)

Me: Why not?

Superman: Because (breathes), because it hurts.

Me: Hmm..want a popsicle?

Superman: Yes!

Me: Ok, lemme take a look at your wound first so we can fix you.

Superman: OK. (he shows me his chest with a linear laceration on the sixth intercostal space on the left)

Me: Would you let me touch it? I'm not going to hurt you. I just need to see how deep it is.

Superman: I want two popsicles. (he negotiates)

Me: hehehe. Ok, i'll give you two popsicles.

The wound looked superficial but i wanted to take some xrays to make sure he did not have a puncture wound or fractures.

Me: Hey buddy, let's take a picture of your chest, ok?

Superman: No.

Me: It won't hurt, i promise.

Superman: No.

Me: But how are you going to save the world if you have a wound?

Superman: Hmmmmm (eyes roll up). Ooowkaaay.

After a few minutes and two popsicles...

Me: The xray was fine. We just need to patch you up! (i had the dermabond in my hand)

Superman: No.

Me: I will just glue your skin to close your wound. It's like Superbond! Superman with Superbond. Wouldn't that be cool?

Superman: No.

Me: You can show all your friends your wound after we finish. It will look nice! They will envy you!

Superman: No.

He was living up to his Man Of Steel image. He wouldn't budge.

Me: Oh, i thought superman was brave. I guess i was wrong....he's scared of a little glue.

Superman: Am not!

Me: But you are!

He shows me his wound and turns his head the other way. I bend down to apply the dermabond.

Superman: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Me: ey, i havent touched you yet.

Superman: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I take advantage of his bravado. Wound approximated. I give the final instructions and say goodbye.

Superman reappears at the nurses station with a blanket cape around his neck . He finds me on the computer.

Superman: where are my stickers?

Me: Wha..what? I thought you already left.

Superman: You're supposed to give me stickers.

Me: Oh..is that so? (i searched the drawer for superman stickers). Ok here you go. You're doing a good job saving the world.

He grabs the stickers and gives me a thumbs up sign and flies to the door where his parents were waiting for him.

******
Reminds me of Little David.

April 07, 2007

2007-04-08T12:20:00.000+08:00

Yesterday i got off at 7PM and was excited to have my day off. I have come to treasure my days off, making sure to do something worthwhile instead of sleeping the day away.

And today was my birthday. I wanted to go fishing.

So last night, i went straight to the sports shop to buy me my fishing rod, hook, line and sinker. I am cluless on anything about fishing but the salesperson was very helpful and picked for me the basic stuff i needed. I headed home and dwindled with the computer a bit and got ready for bed. I wanted to get as much sleep to be early for the fish today.

At twelve midnight, my pager started beeping. I was being asked to see my pregnant patient in the hospital who was in labor. Of all the available dates in the calendar, why did the fetus choose to share the same birthdate with me. I put on my scrubs and drove back to the hospital. Since she was 8cms dilated, i knew it wasn't going to be a long wait. But no, the baby came out at 4am and i got out of the hospital at 5am.

But i did not give up on my plans. I decided to soak in the hot tub. I stayed there for about an hour until my fingers and toes looked likelans. Not on my birthday. Maybe i could catch a few winks then go fishing at 11am as planned.

I woke up at 12noon. i felt cold. i looked out of my bedroom window and it was raining. I checked the temperature and it was in th prunes. When i got out of the bathroom, it was still raining.

Hungry, i went to scavenge for food. My sister, brother in law, and the baby left for Chicago at the start of the month and don't have intentions of coming back til May. So for a week now, i've been eating tv dinners and leftovers. But it's my birthday today, right? Let's see, i have bread, cereal, microwaveable pasta, microwaveable noodles, microwavable veggies, microwaveable gumbo, microwaveable chicken, oreos, milk, and coke, and ice cream. I checked the cupboard and saw something that made my mouth water......LIGO sardines!!!! Wohoooo!! sarap sarap.

i was about to call it a day when my co-intern called me. She asked me to come over her house because she cooked something for me. Yey! I drove up there with my fishing rod, still hoping that the sun will just pop out of the grey sky. But looking at the seawall, i lost all hope.

Anyway, my friend A with her husband O and brother L greeted me at the door. i like these people very much i always feel comfy when i'm with them. We had squash soup and her cheese lasagna for dinner and then she brought out the cheesecake and stuck a candle on it. And they turned on the cd player and started singing clapping Feliz cumpleaños (they are from Venezuela). The song was a bit too long but finally it ended and we were all laughing. I pretended to make a wish and blew the candle. Then they said i should shout before slicing the cake to make my wish come true (ok, that's a new one). We talked bout fishing and O promised to become my fishing buddy. The next time i get off from work early or on my next day off, he agreed to bring me along fishing. We capped the night with stories over wine.

In this place where everybody is in a rush and always on a schedule, where most of my dealings with people are of the professional nature, i have just realized that i have found good friends.

I hurried to a baby shower party to drop off my gifts then drove back home to write about the day i turned 29.

*******
narealize ko din na mahirap kumuha ng pichure habang nagdradrayb. ay caramba!

Kape / Kafi

2007-04-02T11:34:00.000+08:00

7 years ago, i was having some minor, harmless, irregular heart rhythms. I quit drinking coffee.

Last month i was doing ER with another resident who was manic (yes, diagnosed). And she would always stand there with her hands on her hips. She would also always be on my back....

"who are your patients? what's going on with them? what are your plans? tell me about them. ok, who are we sending out? what happened to your xray? what happened to your labs? have you checked if the results are out yet? ok ok, what's next...ok you wanna see this patient? ok, i'll see this..ok...."

And then she went on a cruise for a week. And there was world peace....

*****

But as all good times must come to an end...she returns...with a vengeance. And she says....

"i feel Energized! i'm so ready for the patients!"

Oh God in heaven, please help me.

Then my other co-resident hands me her starbux coffee..."here, you'll need this."

And i just gulp it down. My first taste of coffee in seven years.

*********

Shrimp (Old things, New things)

2007-03-25T14:12:00.000+08:00

I have always hated crabs, lobsters and shrimp.

When i was around 3 years old, after eating some crabs and shrimp, my whole body began to itch and swell, enough to send my mom into a panic. Since then, i have developed an aversion to them creatures. Everybody at home would get excited when we would have those for dinner, except me, of course. My dad would always have something set aside for me like chicken or pork. Most of the time i couldn't stand the mere smell of crabs or shrimps being cooked. In fact, i found it amusing that people would have their mouths watering at the smell of boiled crabs.

Galveston is an island and the seawall is lined with restaurants with seafood specialty. My sister once brought home some shrimp and cooked sinigang na hipon. She asked me to try it and knowing that my brother-in-law is ACLS certified (advanced cardiac life support), i did. I was waiting for the rashes to come out and i knew exactly where my Salbutamol puff was, just in case i needed it. But nothing happened. So i put more stuff on my plate. But i did not know how to take them out of their soft shells so i asked my sister to teach me. She taught me how to use my spoon to take off the head, slice off their walking legs and swimmerets and ease the meat out of the exoskeleton. And i'm 28 years old. sheesh.

Anyway, i ended up eating only around 6 shrimps that night. I didn't think it was worth all the effort to get them out of their shells. It was just not an easy task. And i believe i had more energy wasted than gained doing just that.

But now i just love shrimp. Shrimp shrimp shrimp shrimp. juicy juicy shrimp...yum yum yum yum!! i could eat shrimps all day. gimme some shrimps..no, gimme all of 'em shrimps.

now crabs and lobsters...that's another story. haven't tried them yet. and i would rather try them at home than in a restaurant simply because i don't know how to eat them.

Spring Is Here!

2007-03-17T15:53:00.000+08:00

Spring is life.
Spring is hope.
Spring renews.

I took shots of these plants from my backyard.

And then i mowed them. Because they were weeds. So they are dead.

I took a picture of this bee on a cherry blossom in the front yard.

Then it flew on my face and i killed it because i was nagolat. And so it is dead.

Spring is life.
Spring is hope.
Spring renews.

Wateber.

Uhog

2007-03-09T13:29:00.000+08:00

Di ko matandaan kung kelan ako natuwa sa ilong ko. Maliit pa ako singhot na ako ng singhot. Nakausap ko nga kelan lang yung kaklase ko nung elementarya, sabi nya uhugin daw ako. Yun lang daw ang naaalala nya. Kadiri no?

Pag umuubra yung kati ng ilong ko dati, ang gusto ko gawin eh gupitin sya tapos ilatag sa mesa at iharap saken yung loob. Tapos kukuskusin ko ng steel brush dahil sa kati. Syempre di ko ginawa yun. Pero muntik muntikan na. Mga nagawa ko na sa ilong ko dahil sa kati...kinamot nang kinamot hanggang dumugo... tinusok ng karayom tapos nilagyan ng alkohol...pinasukan ng yelo yung loob....nilagyan ko ng mouthwash sa loob...nilagyan ko ng vicks vaporub....nilublob ko buong mukha ko sa iced water....at marami pang iba.

Ang turo ng titser ko dati, ang ilong ay isa sa five senses at ginagamit daw ito para pang amoy at para huminga. Nyeh, eh hindi nga ako humihinga sa ilong ko e. Pag natutulog nga ako, nakabuka bibig ko at may nakapasak ang tisyu sa mga butas ng ilong. Actually, isa sa mga greatest fears ko dati ay makidnap. Kse napapanood ko sa pelikula na ang mga nakikidnap eh nilalagyan ng duct tape yung bibig hanggang palayain sila ng bida. Naku, eh di kung ako yung kidnapin tapos i-duct tape bibig ko, e di namatay na ako agad at natapos yung pelikula. Buti na lang di kami mayaman kaya di ako nakikidnap. At palagi akong bida.

Hiskul. C.A.T.(oo, c.a.t. pa tawag dun noon) Platoon lider ako nun e. May pa-sword sword pa ako nalalaman. Marunong pa ako sumaludo gamit ang sword ko. "Tanghaaaaaaaaalll......TAAAA!!" Maniwala kayo't sa hinde, yung matulis na dulo ng sword ko ay pumasok sa right nostril ko at muntik nang butasin ang ilong ko. Pramis, nakakahiya. Kse duguan na sya habang nasa formation. Naiiyak na nga ako sa saket eh isa isa pa ako nilapitan ng mga nasa platoon ko..."ser, ser..ok ba kayo?". Ay tae, iwanan nyo ako! iwanan nyo ako! sana lamunin na ako ng lupa ngayon din!!!!!!!

Nung college ako, bumili ako ng giniling sa casaa. Tapos naisip ko, di ako gutom kaya pinabalot ko na lang kay manang. Tapos nagklase na ako. Tapos umuwi na ako. Tapos naalala ko yung giniling ko sa bag. Nilabas ko at nilagay sa plato at inumpisahang kainin (sa dining room yun ha). Tapos etong ate ko nasa sala, sabe..."Ano yung naaamoy kong mabaho?"...Syempre ako naman walang pakelam, subo lang ng subo....tapos dumating ate ko sa mesa ko...inamoy pagkain ko...panis na daw. Hanggaleng.

ROTC. Takot na takot ako dati magkamali sa ROTC kase ayoko mag push up (kse hanggang lima lang kaya ko gawin). Kaya laging charoled and aking garrison belt at boots. Tapos starched lagi ang aking uniporme at pati yung aking beret ay laging ayos. Ayun, nilagay ako sa marching platoon. Tae. E bawal gumalaw pag nasa formation. Ay tae talaga. Tapos di ako makasinghot kse sobrang barado. Ayun hahayaan kong tumulo sipon ko kse ayoko lang mag push up. Antanga no?

Medskul. Nung nagmemedisina ako at nagaaral sa library (di naman palagi), mahirap suminghot kse masunget yung librarian. Kaya ang ginagawa ko, pinapasakan ko ng tisyu yung ilong ko at nakayuko ako nagbabasa. Minsan nakakalimutan kong tanggalin yung nakapasak.

Clerkship. Sa operating room. Sterile area, sterile technique. Susme. Ang linya ng mga residente at consultants ko dati..."Nurse..pakipunas ang pawis ng noo ko." Syempre gusto ko sabihin..."Nurse...yung ilong ko please..". Pero hindi ko sinabi. Kaya makikita na lang nila na basang basa na yung face mask ko. Minsan, sa tagal ng operasyon natutuyo na lang sya dun. Yakkers.

Naging doktor ako, sabi ng tatay ko, gamitin ko daw lagi gamot ko kase nakakahiya sa mga pasyente ko. Hahahaha. E palagi ko nakakalimutan. At nakakatamad naman kse.

Hindi ako mahilig sa pagkain. Pag ako tinatanong kung saan masarap kumain inuulit ko lang yung mga naririnig ko sa mga kebigan ko. Para saken madalas, ang pagkain ay laman tiyan lang, pampabusog lang bah. Kaya ngayon kahit sinong med rep magyaya sa mamahalin at sikat na restawran ay di ako naeexcite. At hindi ako pupunta kung hindi required. Pag dumadalo ako, hinahayaan ko na lang mga kasamahan kong pumili ng wine galing sa cellar (oo, maarte sila at marunong pa silang tumikim tikim kuno). May mga komento pa silang...."hmmm...tastes like supermarket wine." Mga hunghang.

Hindi na ganun kadalas magdiarrhea ang ilong ko. Kse mas mainam ang panahon dito at wala mashado alikabok (pollen na lang, nakkks, sothialin, pollen daw). Pero ganun pa din ang aking pang-amoy, or the lack of it (nakks, inggles!). Natutuwa naman ako at hindi na sya ganun kasama. So para san pa ang aking ilong? para may tirahan ang mga kulangot. yey!

*****
napaghahalata na naman na wala ako maisulat.

Kuwento Lang.

2007-02-20T11:09:00.000+08:00

My kwento ako.

Yung kebigan ko na pinoy na galing tate....o baka yung pinsan ng kebigan ko na laking tate....ay ewan, basta ganun, basta kinuwento saken ng kebigan ko na nasa tate....eh....basta yun na yun.

Ok game. Yung kwento na.

Teka...oo pinsan ata nya...sige...gawin na lang natin pinsan nya.

O game na talaga.

Yun pinsan daw nya na isteytsayd, umuwi daw ng Pinas. Syempre naglakwatsa doon. Fil-Am ba naman eh. Nagbakasyon daw sa Dumaguete. Natuwa daw sya mashado, bumili ng souvenir shirt.

Tapos bumalik na sa isteyts.

Nasabi ko ba na natuwa sya mashado? ok, nasabi ko nga. So pumunta daw sya sa park...nagstroll stroll (mahilig sila magstroll dito e) at syempre suot suot and kanyang souvenir shirt.

Tapos nagtataka daw sya kung bakit tingin ng tingin sa kanya yung mga tao. Pati daw yung mga nagjojogging tumitingin sa kanya. Lalo na daw yung mga itim.

May lumapit daw sa kanyang itim.

Sabi, "hey, you know that we aren't called that anymore, don't you?", sabay turo sa kanyang shirt.

Tingin daw agad sha sa tshert nya may mga puno ng buko na nakadrowing....nakasulat, "I Love Negros".

Spoon

2007-02-09T12:35:00.000+08:00

My surgery faculty and i were getting lunch from the cafeteria after finishing some endoscopies. I got some beef, rice, and vegetables, sat down at the table and started to eat.

Dr. L: W..what are you doing??

Me: Eh? Eating? What do you mean? (confused)

Dr. L: I mean what are you doing eating your lunch with a spoon?

Me: I can't pick up rice with a fork, if that's what you mean.

Dr. L: Why are you using a spoon? You should use your fork.

Me: Well, in the Philippines, everybody uses a spoon. So i'm used to eating my meals with a spoon.

Dr. L: Really??! (bewildered)

Me: Yes, in fact there was this big issue when a Filipino child in Canada was using a spoon and he was called a monkey by the principal.

Dr. L: Wow!

Me: Yes, i mean i use a spoon because that's what i'm comfortable with. and look at this....see...if i use the fork...i can't get much on it. Plus, there's a spoon available. But i can do without one.

Dr. L: I'm just saying that when you go out and eat with your faculty or applicants, or get invited to dinners, you should use a fork unless it's soup or something you need a spoon for. It's called etiquette. And that's the etiquette here in the states.

Me: I've been to dinners and lunches with faculty and applicants and no one seems to get offended with my using a spoon. But your point is well taken. I'll continue to eat with my spoon now, if you don't mind. :)

***
yup, i didn't see that coming. nobody has ever made a big deal out of it until now. and right now i am ambivalent about this issue. she's got a point and it's reasonable.

cultural differences.

your views?

Jill

2007-01-29T09:05:00.000+08:00

"Turn right in 0.2 miles on 75th Street," Jill announces.

"Ok, 75th Road it is...," i say as i try to estimate how far 0.2 miles is. Ooops, there's 75th! I just missed the turn.

" Recalculating...." says, Jill trying to salvage the situation. "Turn right in 0.5 miles on 79th street."

"Ok, ok...79th...79th....where's 79th? wait i just passed 80th. Sheesh, i missed it again."

"Recalculating..." Jill patiently directs. "Turn right in 0.1 mile, on 81st Street."

"Recalculating..." as patient and as nice as ever. "Turn right in 0.2 miles on 83rd Street."

"I got it, i got it!!" as i maneuver the car onto 83rd. "Wohoooo! Where next?"

"Turn right on Stewart Road."

"ok......nooninooninoooo...."

"Recalculating..."

"oops, soweee again..."

******

I got jill two months ago. And she has a hard time telling me where to go. Sometimes i think i hear a very long sigh after she says "recalculating." But i thank God she does not come with hands or else matagal na akong binatukan neto at pinagmumura. hahahahahah!

She gives me up to date traffic news....but i don't listen to her.
She has bluetooth to automatically answer my phone....but my phone doesn't have bluetooth. wahahaahah.
She plays mp3s...but i'd rather sing alone. wahahahaha.

******

i think i'm naming my car Jill. Yeah, she's Jill from now on.

******
Nagasgas at mejo nayupi ang kotse ko nung isang araw. Ang sakit sa loob ko, sobra. Parang ayoko na magdrayb tuloy. Kakawalang gana. Ang masama pa, walang insurance ang nakagasgas neto! Kung di ba naman tanga. At sa driver's side pa tumama!

Hirap talaga pag isang malaking bato sa tabi ng daan ang kalaban mo. Wala kang kalaban laban. tsk tsk tsk....

dambel.

Puno

2007-01-16T12:24:00.000+08:00

Sabi ni Bridget Jones, pagandahan daw ng krismas tree nung pasko. Intindi ko naman padamihan. E di nangolekta ako ng sandamukal na puno. O ayan, dami no?

Sabi ko, gusto ko makakita ng isno. Naman kase, snow-capped mountains white pa lang nakikita ko, from a distance pa. So ako'y nag-impake at lumipad ako patungo sa kabilang ibayo para makakita ng yelo. Maryland.....walang yelo. Virginia....walang yelo. DC....wala....Jersey....wala....Philadelphia...wala pa din....New York....wala. Walang yelo. Warm winter daw. Tae.

So umuwi na lang ako.

Biset.

..

2006-11-14T11:49:00.000+08:00

<<<

why do we do what we do?
i'm so tired.

>>>

Books

2006-10-27T09:48:00.000+08:00

two weeks ago, i dropped by Half Priced Books along NASA road and got me 6 books. this shop had an obese cat that walked around looking like an old librarian on the prowl (i swear she did).

two days ago, i bought 20 brand new books from a bookstore that was closing. $2 for every hard bound and $1 for paperbacks.

yesterday, we discovered the public library. i bought 2 hardbounds again.

I just buy them. i know i won't have the time to read them soon. but i buy them just the same. sayang eh.

i miss the summer days when i was in elementary and the afternoons were long and hot. when everything was quiet except for the drone of the electric fan or a tricycle driving by. when everybody else was at work or taking a nap. I miss laying down on the warm sheets of the bed with a book to read, engrossed in the stories until sunset, when the streets would start buzzing with people coming home from work and manang preparing dinner. A lot of times i would run out of books to read. so i'd steal some from the library (i doubt anybody really wanted to read those books anyway). My mom would buy us books when she went to Manila. Sometimes i would restrain myself from finishing a book because i knew i wouldn't have anything left to read after and mommy didn't go to manila that often.

Now i have 28 books i would love to delve into. But i've no time.

So much to read, so little time.

maybe i'll start building my library instead.

***
seen my books? take your pick.

Kapitapitagan

2006-10-20T08:14:00.000+08:00

wala ako makwento, sensya na. actually, madami pala. kakatamad lang magkwento. baka akalain nyong sobrang tanga kong tao. e ayoko naman ng ganun. mejo lang. hehehe.

kaya babawi ako. post ko na lang tong pichure namin ng ibang kasama ko dito. Mejo kagalang galang naman daw para maiba.

Ayan, galangin nyo ako ulit.

*********

STRESS

2006-09-30T12:57:00.000+08:00

MONDAY: took driving test and got my license. wahooo!!!

TUESDAY: went to the dealership and bought a car. (parang sari sari store eh) and drove the car home. again, first time driver on the highway. stress.

FRIDAY
Interstate-45
10:00PM

I was driving along the I-45 when i discovered "cruise control". Sweet. I won't get a speeding ticket this way. The speed limit was 65 so i set my control at 63 (o ha, di na ako mahuhuli nyan, takot ko lang).

So i was "cruising" (naks, cruising...nakkkkssss talaga, sothial) at 63mph with my music when i noticed something in my rearview mirror...red...white..blue...lights.....blinking... hmmm. It's only September, a little too early for Christmas. But yanno, if someone wants to put up his Christmas lights this early, who am i to object? Let him be, right? Let him have his Merry Christmas. So on i continue to drive drive drive with the Christmas lights tailing me.

"garbled garbled garbled sounds," did i just hear something? nah. just drive on.

"more garbled garbled blah blah," hmm, i think i really heard something this time...no, it wasn't my cd. Why don't i turn the volume down?

"PLEASE PULL OVER! PLEASE PULL OVER!!"... now that was loud. Megaphone. Syet! Syet! Syet! It wasn't Santa's sleigh! Why??? I was not speeding! Definitely NOT SPEEDING! I was on CRUISE CONTROL!! Tae.

So i pulled over.

"Please exit the highway." O e di exit kung exit. Buwiset. Katakot.

"Good evening, Officer," i said while trying to make my voice sound calm.

"Good evening. Stay inside your car. Lower your window a little bit more."

"Is anything wrong, officer?"

"Yes, you were driving without your lights on." Aysus! TANGA TANGA TANGA!!

"Oh! i didn't notice, sir! I'm so sorry, i really didn't notice." toink toink toink!!!

"May i see your license?"

"Sure, Officer." I hand him my paper license to him while trying to stop shaking. ay totoo talaga yung nanginginig sa takot na sinasabi nila.

"New driver?"

"Yes, Oficer, 5 days."

"New car?"

"Yes, Officer, 3 days." Parang ROTC sumagot eh. Tae.

"Ok, let me verify . This will only take a minute." He walks back to his car while i'm desperately trying to stop my legs from shaking. I want to pee.

He comes back a few minutes later and returns my license. "Could you turn your headlights on? I'd like to see them working."

"Sure, no problem, Officer." and i push a knob and my wipers start waving at me. "oops, sorry, not that..." syet, where was that again? i start fumbling with buttons...Toink toink toink!!!

"Here, turn this knob then press down, see that?", he says kindly as i see the whole road in front of me flooded in light.

"Wow", was all i could mutter. i could almost see the angels basking in their holy glow.

"You're lucky you didn't get hit. You didn't have any lights on you. Learn to operate your new vehicle and drive safely. Now will you please sign here."

"Thank you, Officer. What exactly does this do to my record? Do i have to pay a fine or something?"

"No, it won't appear in your record, it's just a warning. Ok, have a good night, and drive home safely."

"Thanks, Officer." and i breathe a sigh of relief. a BIG sigh of relief. I watch the policeman walk back to his car....when i remembered...

"Excuse me sir!", i called out. " Could you tell me how to get back on the I-45?". toink toink toink!!!

So he gave me directions, actually he told me to take a U-turn, turn right, and go straight ahead. Of course i followed his directions and ended up on a deserted road going to another city. But this post is already too long to even start with that story.

Uh, have i told you what happened two days ago while driving along Harborside Avenue?

Oh, nevermind.

Sibik

2006-09-22T13:02:00.000+08:00

Have you seen the

2007
HONDA CIVIC LX SEDAN?

ganda no? haaaaay....

Oh, by the way....have i told you i just got mine the other night?

TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

tae. wala na akong pera.

Stress

Tae, pano ba magpagasolina dito? Walang mga gas boy.

Di ko pa alam para saan mga features neto eh. Maganda lang pakinggan. Hahahaha!

Nasabi ko ba na first time driver ako? At sa lunes ay pupunta na ako sa clinic ko which is a 45 minute drive on the highway with a speed limit of 70 miles per hour?

hay buhay....stress...

****
i need to name my car since she's my first one. any suggestions?

Sothial

2006-09-10T14:00:00.000+08:00

Syempre binigyan ako ng bangko ko ng credit card kahit na wala pa akong credit history. At may $2000.00 credit limit! Huwaw! Sosyal na ako no?

Syempre yung sunod na problema ko e kung pano gamitin. Wahahaha! Dami dami ko problema grabe. Bah, malay ko ba. Hanggang ATM lang ako. Palpak pa. Sa wala naman bangko sa Pinas ang magbibigay saken ng kard. Kahit na guwapo ako.

Punta sa grocery. Bili ng chocolate ice cream. it's my tsans to yus may kwedit kward! Mejo kinakabahan ako. (kabog kabog) What to do? E di pumila ako dun sa may taong nakapila para makita ko yung ginagawa nya at kung saan sya pumipirma. Unggoy see, Unggoy do. Magaling ako dyan.

Ako na! ako na!
1. swipe... ay syet, baket ayaw? syet syet. ay baligtad. tanga. pero smayl. kunwari alam mo ginagawa mo.

2. antayin ang kahera.

3. pumirma sa resibo.

nye, tapus na? kadali naman pala eh. di naman pala kelangan ng utak eh. eh baket yung mga mayayaman maaangas kse meron sila neto. winawagayway pa nila sa madla. yun lang yun? eh nagkaroon lang ako ng utang eh. asows. aym nat imfressed.

next task....eBay! hiyesss!

ang guwapo ko.

Back from Hell

2006-08-21T12:12:00.000+08:00

Newborn Hell.

No Fun.

I spent the whole month in my newborn nursery rotation.

It's not fun when during your first call night, you get paged to the stand so you run to the labor and delivery room to catch your baby. but you find out that your badge doesn't open the doors. To add insult to injury, your meal card has no money in it, and you got no access to the electronic medical records. bummer.

It's not fun waking up at 5.30am to start rounding on at least 50 babies every single day and getting called to the stand when you still have a million things to do.

It's not fun getting shouted at by nurses just because you're new and don't know how they run things there.

It's not fun when your senior resident and co-interns, all US grads, think you're incompetent.

It's not fun when your senior resident makes faces and mouths words to your co-intern about you. (if she was pretty, maybe it'd be more bearable, but making faces with a face like that? just kill me and i'd be happier.)

It's not fun when the nurses try to challenge your knowledge.

It's not fun when even the med students don't trust you.

It's not fun when you're treated as an outsider. Soo not fun.

It's not fun when during your weekend call you do bili clinic and discharges and transition by yourself. and you just want to cry. and you find out that you got screwed because somebody should have been there working with you but didn't show up.

i thought carrying a pager was cool. now i just want to flush mine, plus the stand pager, down the toilet.

Really, had a friend given me a hug, i would have cried. (buti na lang wala akong friend friend dito)

***

But it gets better.

It's rewarding when your faculty says that you're doing great. (And when your senior remarks that you are doing great, you just answer,"you're just saying that." and you it's your turn to give her the smirk.)

It is rewarding when your faculty has gotten feedback that the nurses enjoy working with you. Two of them actually call you their boyfriend.

It is heartwarming that the charge nurse would write your orders for you and line up your charts for you to sign. You can bet she doesn't do that for any other resident. Then you know that you have been accepted into their circle. (I never saw the one who shouted at me tho. maybe she rammed her car into a tree or something.)

It's touching when your transition nurses buy you a soda because they know that you didn't have time to go down to the cafeteria to get dinner.

It's refreshing to go to the clerk's office and see her hair change from a fro to braids and to a hundred other hairstyles, and get a good laugh with her funny antics.

It's reassuring to have the ISCU transport nurse who is nice to you be by your side everytime you are called to the stand, call you sweetheart and give you a piece of her cinnamon cake when you're too busy to get lunch.

It is reassuring when your faculty tells you that you will get a good evaluation.

***

somehow, everything turned out ok. it could have been the worst rotation, but hey, it's not all that bad. If there's something i'll be missing, it'll be the nurses. But i keep telling them it's gonna be the other way around.

Thank God. I survived.

...

2006-07-27T11:31:00.000+08:00

...

i need a hug.

...

Practice Partners

2006-07-15T14:52:00.000+08:00

"why don't you try to push it in deeper like this," she said as she pulled the vaginal speculum towards her, deeper into her orifice. She had her legs on the stirrups while my head was between her thighs.

"oh ok, now i see your cervix better," i replied.

"now, when you pull out, be careful not to hit the urethra."

"there, i'm almost out now, did i hurt you?"

"you did great. now try to feel for my ovaries. put two fingers in me while palpating my abdomen with the other hand"

"ok," i said while spreading some lubricant across my gloved fingers. "you'll have to guide me through this because it's been a while since i last did this."

"no problem, that's what i'm here for. and you're doing fine."

"i can't seem to find your ovaries."

"try doing this," she takes my hand and guides it along her lower abdomen in a fast motion. "keep those fingers inside me pointed upwards while this other hand flicks for the ovaries."

"oh there they are," i said with glee.

***

R has been a volunteer for medical students and doctors to practice their skills on for nineteen years now. K, guy in the other room has been doing the same thing for 5 years. The purpose of the exercise was to teach us how to conduct these sensitive examinations as humanely as possible. I have done numerous pelvic exams on patients before but i have learned a lot of important points today.

Questions such as "are you comfortable?", "am i hurting you?", are pretty much the standard questions around here. Getting immediate feedback from a live patient provides better insight on the proper way to go about these exams, to make us more sensitive doctors, and, maybe, better ones.

***
Thank you, R and K, for doing the medical field a big favor.

Small Talk

2006-07-09T16:22:00.000+08:00

Last week, I was walking (syempre wala akong kotse) from home towards one of the hospital buildings for some orientation thingey when it started to rain (aba! at ang lalaki ng patak!). I opened my giant umbrella and smirked, “Hah! I came prepared!” But the rain poured really hard that I had to take shelter at the nearest edifice. My slacks were wet halfway up my knees. It didn’t seem like the sun was going to shine soon so I decided to call my brother-in-law to fetch me and drive me to where I was going.

I reached the orientation meeting early and ate breakfast. Soon people started to arrive and another resident took the seat beside me. The appropriate thing to do was to introduce myself.

Me: hi, I’m Duke, family medicine. ( and I shake her hand)
Her: I’m R_____. Neurology. How are you?
Me: I’m good, thank you. And you?
Her: Same here.

While we were waiting for the speaker, I decided to start some chit chat. But I really had nothing to say.

Me: the weather’s bad, no?
Her: yea, and the traffic too. It took me almost an hour to get here.
Me: I hear it’s going to be raining for five days at least.
Her: really? That’s not good.

And then I had nothing else to say. Had it been a Filipino conversation I wouldn’t have had any problem. Everyone around us was engaged in small talk that I felt I needed to say something…..hmmm….something….

Me: D’ya know that my socks are wet inside my shoes?
Her: You’re gross.

Toink! Toink! Toink!!

Start of Residency

2006-07-02T10:22:00.000+08:00

I finished everything in a rush last Saturday, bought my plane ticket at 10pm, finished packing, and then flew out of the Philippines at 5:50am. Photofinish? I’m good at that. I hadn’t slept all night though. Had there been a little david pestering me on the plane, he would have ended somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.

I spent 23 hours traveling and trying to catch some winks in between flights that I almost missed boarding my Hong Kong to Sanfo. Good thing this Filipino seaman woke me up. He’s been avoiding my efforts for a little chit chat so I decided to sleep instead.

Anyway, I arrived in Houston exhausted but happy that I was almost home. During the drive to Galveston, I felt like it was just yesterday that I was here. Nothing has changed.

I started unpacking that same night and went to bed late. On Monday morning struggled with my tie (shucks, I’m going to wear a tie often now. I’ll miss my tshirts), I showed up for orientation at my building and everybody was happy that I made it, though three days late. Everybody is wonderful. My co-residents are nice and the staff is just perfect.

I got my badges and beeper later this week. I guess they own me now. They can page me anytime they want. My badge opens doors (kewl!) and I have a scrubs card too. I can get my scrubs from a vending machine and when I’m done using them I just return them to the same machine for washing. My PDA will be issued maybe next week, loaded up. The hospital and clinic computer system is something I’ll have to learn. It’s so much different here from the Philippines that I can’t help but feel sorry for patients back home. But then again, there’s nothing much I can do about it.

And so it goes that after 1.5 years of bumming around, I find myself tied to a training program. No more waking up to whatever time I want to, no more staying up late whenever I want to, no more watching tv the whole day, no more staying online the whole day, no more pestering people to talk to me when I’m bored, no more wondering what to do when I’m bored. Oh what the heck. Now I’m going to earn my own keep, and buy whatever I want as long as I can afford it. I can live with that.

So here’s to a new life.

******
atticus, thank you for the shirt and the book. appreciate it. :)

babayu

2006-06-21T21:11:00.000+08:00

uy paalis na ako ng Pinas.

Iiwan ko na ang mga mahal ko sa buhay. Kelangan ko na kumita ng dalars. Para mabilis magkaroon ng milyons. Para may pambili ako ng ...ano ba gusto ko bilhin? wala naman. ah para mabili ko kung ano man yung gugustuhin kong bilhin in da pyutyur.

ay alam ko na. gusto ko ako yung magpapadala ng balikbayan box. ayun. tapos pag balikbayan na ako mag iisleyng isleyng naman daw ako kunwari. sosyal.

paalam sa iyo pilipinas. di mo ako kayang alagaan eh. kalimutan na lang tayo. ahehehe. muna lang naman. babalikan naman din kita eh. pag ayos na ako. pero sa ngayon, fly fly away muna.

paalam mga kebigan. sus, di naman talaga tayo lagi nagkikita eh. dumadaan nga isang taon na di tayo nagkikita eh. di nyo ako mamimiss. sus, lokohin nyo lelang nyo.

paalam sa pamilya ko. (yung mga iyak iyak ireserb naten pag andun na tayo sa departure area ng erport, wag muna ngayon, baka maubos ang luha).

sa aking mga blogmates, nye, wala lang. di naman talaga tayo magkakakilala eh. sows. at magkikita kita din naman tayo dito.

paalam Pilipinas.

****
tae, wala pa pala akong tiket.

Copycat

2006-06-08T18:29:00.000+08:00

Habang kumakain ako ng hapunan isang gabi, nanonood ng tv yung nanay ko.

Patalastas ng isang soap opera sa isang malaking istasyon. Narinig ko na lang nanay ko, madamdaming ginagaya yung sinasabi sa telebisyon.

"You're nothing...

but a second rate....

trying hard...

SECOND RATE!!!"

Muntik lang naman ako nabilaukan.

Jail Time

2006-05-28T06:00:00.000+08:00

He looked dirty. His face was really dark and he badly needed a haircut (and shampooing). Somehow his toenails managed to look clean. Aside from the pounds he gained, he was unmistakably the classmate I had 12 years ago.

I knew him even before I reached high school. His name preceded him. My Math tutor always raved about his knack for the subject that when I reached high school I wasn’t surprised at all. He was really good with numbers.

The room stank. There was no ceiling below the galvanized roof which made the atmosphere stifling. The walls were grubby and aside from a bench and a table, dilapidated furniture were scattered about. How on earth did someone like him end up in this Godforsaken place?

He wasn’t really everybody’s friend to start with. In high school I started to dislike him when he ate my dinner share during one of those stupid boy scout camp outs. I was so hungry that night that I left the camp and went home never to finish the activity. Somehow, others seemed to have their own personal grudges against him.

But that was high school. I never saw him again up until now, but talk about him impressing people with his math abilities in college came around, so I assumed he was doing well. The next thing I know was that he was behind bars for some drug trafficking case and now he was standing before me. He’s been in jail for two years now and only one person from the batch has visited him.

What was there to talk about but of old classmates, and then the similarity ends there. I wouldn’t think he’d be interested in my life, or my cat, so I just asked him what he needed while spending time inside. He apologized for looking the way he did as he wasn’t expecting us. He said he needed items for personal hygiene. And after a few more minutes of idle talk (because there was nothing more we could talk about), we bade him goodbye promising to visit the next day.

Before I left home the next day, I was thinking of what to give him to make his time inside worthwhile. I asked myself what would I want to have had I been in his shoes? And the answer came to me. Books. I found my old calculus book (its thickness can protect you from a gunshot) on a dusty shelf, and together with a condensed Reader’s Digest book, shoved it into a plastic bag.

He surprised us with a new haircut and cleaner clothes. More small talk followed until we realized that we were just repeating yesterday’s conversation. It was as if we were just waiting for visiting time to be over, and soon enough, the jail warden came in to tell us it was time to leave.

I don't know if he will ever have his freedom back. The law will be the judge of that. I just wish him safety and good health inside that forbidding place. Also, may he find all the solutions to the integral problems in my Math book, most of which eluded me. I'm quite sure he will.

There’s a lot to be thankful for.

*****

hey you former HS classmates of mine who are silent viewers of this blog, go visit!

psst psst!

2006-05-19T03:43:00.000+08:00

*****

Miss nyo na ko no?

wushuuuuuuuu!

***

Personal Statement

2006-05-01T03:46:00.001+08:00

My mom is a general practitioner, and as such, she knows almost everyone living in the small town I grew up in. Most of her patients are farmers who are not able to pay for her services in cash, so they prefer to pay in kind - live chickens, freshly picked vegetables, eggs, or whatever they have. The pharmacy we tried to run went bankrupt in no time because of the trading system that went on. But my mom didn't mind that. She enjoyed serving the community and the community loved her back.

Dealing with people has always been a natural instinct for me. My ability to connect easily with all types of patients, from small children, to the mentally ill, to the frail elderly has always served me well. There are difficult ones,occasionally, but I manage to earn their trust eventually, something which I believe is the most important aspect in a patient-doctor relationship.

While doing my Pediatrics rotation in the out patient department one day, I heard my name being called out as the next patient for a well baby visit. Thinking this was a prank, I checked out the chart myself. Surprisingly, it really had Baby Boy DUKE written on it. A mother smiled at me carrying her month-old baby and told me she named him after the intern who took very good care of her when she delivered her son. I was flattered. Just a month ago, this woman was my patient. Today, it was her son I was attending to.

Every year, my hometown produces at least 10 new doctors. When I earned my medical degree, there were all kinds of specialists available. After graduation, I participated in various medical missions to underserved communities while deciding on what field to pursue. I vowed to keep an open mind regarding residency selection to see what the various medical and surgical fields were like, and I realized that being a general practitioner allowed me to reach out to a greater number of people who needed medical attention. Moonlighting in ERs and OPD clinics helped me retain my basic sciences and did not limit my views to a certain specialty. I realized that I enjoy interacting with children as much as delivering them. I enjoy caring for men as much as women. I find my most rewarding days to be those when I am able to follow up with a patient I have already seen before.

I believe that a family practitioner cares for people through the course of their lives. He cares for the entire family in both health and sickness, thus developing a unique understanding of each person's values and beliefs. To copy someone's words, "This physician cares for families throughout the community and thus better understand each individual's role in society. These relationships form the fabric of family medicine and allow the family practitioner, the expert in common diseases, to provide comprehensive, holistic medical care."

Nothing compares to the feeling of breaking the news to a father about his son being born, or that of a little girl who stares at you with amazement after her earache disappears, or that of a father coming to you with all three sons in tow for circumcision. When a man returns to your clinic for another try despite his failures to quit smoking, you become as engaged as he is in helping him succeed. Indeed these simple situations are the ones that make the practice of medicine worthwhile.

I smile at the thought of being referred to by people as their 'family doctor' as much as there are 'family lawyers' and 'family dentists'. I smile at my desire to educate everybody on the adverse effects of smoking and drinking. I smile at the challenge of a difficult diagnosis and racking my brains out. A career in family practice will offer me all of these on a daily basis. I believe that this is my calling.

And if eggs, live chickens, and vegetables will be all I get, I guess the next thing to learn is how to cook.

fin

********
my personal statement submitted to 14 hospitals i applied to during the 2006 US residency match.

Fallen from Grace

2006-04-19T02:52:00.000+08:00

It seems like just yesterday, when i posted about somebody's death. But if a lot of people were saddened with Jerome's death, nobody was for my poor old Aunty Grace's.

On our way home from the airport, two weeks ago, my mom told me she was dead. She died the day before i arrived. i asked my mom where the wake was being held. "Angeles, Pampanga, " came the reply. She didn't know anybody in Pampanga. She wasn't from that place. i found myself dozing off in the backseat of my cousin's car headed towards Angeles. We found the wake - empty, save for three househelps giggling in a corner. There were four wreaths - one from her adopted daughter's family, one from her sister-in-law's family, one from the funeral parlor, and one from her insurance company.

***

She was a character. she was described as an attractive and powerful woman, her face always made up , her hair high, and always dressed in a balloon skirt and high heels in the 60s and 70s. Sepia pictures displayed on her dusty table showed her in parties with the distinguished and elite people of the town.

She was mean. No househelp could stand her long. She accused one of stealing and clipped her hair bald. i heard of others being bruised before being sent away. A cousin of mine who stayed with her for some time never got married as Auntie Grace would frighten all her suitors away. Relatives feared her.

She was scary. My mom told us this story a long time ago. She had a fight with Auntie Grace in college and while coming out of the campus, she was dragged into a car by two unidentified men. Luckily she escaped. She somehow connected that incident with her fight with the old lady but didn't give out details.

But i never knew that mean old lady. The Auntie Grace i knew was a funny, frail old woman whom i always kid around. When her adopted daughter moved to Manila, the old lady was left alone in her house. The thieves knew of this and kept robbing the house that she literally sealed herself from the outside world out of fear. On her door she wrote in scrawny letters with a piece of chalk: "Beware robbers! High Tech Security Gadgets around. You are being watched by a secret camera."

Every week after school i'd check on her, fearing that she might have fallen down her stairs and was already decomposing without anybody noticing. Or maybe murdered by a robber who wasn't fooled by her door warnings. Oh but she was deaf! She wouldn't hear you if you called her name. From the outside, you'd think the house was deserted. I would throw about 3 or 4 stones against her window before she took notice. then she'd yell (to which i'd say to myself, oh she's still alive). She'd look out to see who was throwing stones at her house and would be thrilled to see me stading by her gate. Then she'd rush downstairs and start unlocking her door with her bunch of keys. there had been more than 5 bolts on that door.

I'd stay for some chit chat and then she'd ask me to play the piano for her. She was good player until her arthritis got to her fingers. She thought i was a prodigy (she exaggerates) and volunteered to give her piano to me when she died. She told me to take up Music at the Abelardo. A few years later, her house got flooded and, to my dismay, ruined the old piano. Good thing i had already stolen most of her pieces.

i was the nephew she liked most. she didn't like a lot of people.

Then the stroke came. And then the fractured hip. And the burden she caused her adopted daughter's family. And a lot more stories of pain and suffering. The once powerful and feared lady was reduced to a cripple.

And then finally death. Maybe she had been praying for it to come. She went silently knowing that her passing away would ease many tired hearts. She made a lot of enemies. i doubt it that she had friends. It is sad that she was buried in a place where no one cared for her, or knew her for that matter. But what is death anyway? "Death may be the greatest of all human blessings," so says Socrates. Maybe it was for my dear old Auntie Grace and the people around her. And in her passing, no tears were shed.

i don't think she will be missed by anyone but me.

*********
my first metion of aunty grace on this blog was this.

and then the hip replacement.

Little David

2006-04-10T16:41:00.000+08:00

The cabin i was in on my flight from LA to Manila looked like a geriatrics ward. there wasn't any passenger below the age of fifty...and all of them already in line for the restroom with the plane still on the ground.

at least it was going to be a peaceful 16 hours. Or so i thought until i got to my seat. sitting on the floor was a little boy with his gameboy in hand. i was wrong.

me: hi, i'm duke. what's your name?
little boy: i'm david.
me: ok, david, i will be your seatmate tonight. how old are you?
david: i'm five. may i touch your hair? (??????!!!!)
me: uhm..ok..go ahead.

and he proceeds run his fingers over my hair. the gelled stiffness had worn off since i just got off of two planes from houston and phoenix.

david: my brother is 16 and he's scared of girls.
me: and you're not?
david: no. may i touch your hair again?
david's mom: david, stop that! "pasensya ka na ha, sobrang malikot kse ito eh. gusto nya kse yung buhok na gaya ng sa iyo."
me: it's ok. you may touch it.

after getting his feel of my hair, he lifts the armrest and cradles his head against my arm and starts playing his gameboy explaining every little detail of the game to which i nod, pretending to understand. and every few minutes he'd ask permission to touch my hair again then rattle off with more of his stories while i tried my best to stay awake. his mom repeatedly scolds him to leave me alone in peace but when she dozes off he jumps on my lap and tells me stories again. He'd hand me his slate to draw him dinosaurs or asks me to say words for him to spell. then he'd ask to touch my hair again.

david: i want to pee. mom's asleep. could you bring me to the restroom? just promise me you won't look.
me: why would i want to look at your peepee?
david: come on, i gotta go!

and he pulls me along the aisle.

back in our seats, we did everything but sleep - arm wrestling to boxing to wrestling to jumping on me. the lady across the aisle fondly asks me how old my brother is. the man behind me whispers "kawawa ka naman di ka na makatulog."

later in the night..

david: hey duckie, will i ever see you again?
me: no. you will never see me again. when this plane lands i'll say goodbye and that will be the last of me you'll ever see.
david: (frowns) give mommy your address! so i can visit you back in the states!!
me: uhm...no. If you see me i'll pretend not to know you.
david: (punches my arm) Don't say that! take that back!! take that back!!
me: i won't.

i go under my blanket and feign sleep. he leans over to his mom and whispers..

david: mommy, will i ever see duckie again?
mom: i don't know.
david: coz he said he'll pretend not to know me when he sees me.
mom: that's because you keep disturbing him.
david: could i get his email address mommy? please? please??
mom: why don't you ask him?
david: (pulls my blanket and ruffles my hair) hey duckie! give mommy your email address so i can write you.
me: you can't even spell.
david: i know my letters! and i know what key to press if i punch in the wrong letter. come on!
me: i won't respond to your letters. i'll pretend it's spam.
david: (punches me again in the arm) give mommy your email!!!

voice over: we are 2 hours and 10 minutes away from Manila...

me: finally. two more hours and i'll be rid of you.
david: (looks at me, worried) i'll draw you!!

he gets his slate and draws a stick figure of me with my gelled hair. he shows it to me.

david: this is you, that is your hair.
me: what's this?
david: that's your tears. you are crying.

he curls up and lays his head on my lap for the rest of the trip.

*********
voice over: one hour to Ninoy Aquino International Airport..

david looks more worried now. he clings tightly to my arm. from his seat he turns to me and puckers his lips.

me: what are you doing?
david: i want to kiss you.
me: ugh. no. don't even try. i don't want your saliva on me. let's just shake hands.

as i was getting my carry ons and helping the oldies with their, david just stands on his seat and looks at me.

me: i guess i'm going to say goodbye now. come on, give me a big hug.
david: ok.

and he reaches over and gives me the tightest hug a five year old could muster. and then steals a kiss and hugs me again, then ruffles my hair one last time. and i walk away.

28

2006-04-08T03:13:00.000+08:00

i turned 28 a few hours ago. :)

a lot of things have happened since my 27th birthday. pero wala ako sa mood magsenti senti o magreflect reflect kunwari. wahehehehe.

greet me!!!!! now na!!!

********
i'm back in the pilipins. pede ko na kaya sabihin yung mga "ay, walang ganyan sa isteyts." para kunwari sosyal daw. ayus.

"grabe, it's sooo inet here."

APRIL FOOLS

2006-04-01T16:14:00.001+08:00

this blog is not closing!!! hahahahahaa!

*laugh laugh laugh*

i always wanted to do that. in fact, i've been planning this for a long time now! hahahahaahahhaha.

ok ok, it wasn't april fool's day when i started that prank but i just couldn't wait. hahahahahahaha! sorry sorry sorry everybody.
***

anyway, i'm leaving for the Philippines in a few hours! and

I HATE PHILIPPINE AIRLINES!!!!!!!!!

i'm not flying them out of the country again. just this last time.

FIN

2006-03-29T17:54:00.000+08:00

This blog is closing.

I've been thinking of something meaningful to say, something warm and fuzzy as a final entry to end this blog. but i've got nothing.

I'm starting a new chapter in my life.

It has been a fun ride. 17 months.

To all my readers, thank you. You've been with me thru this journey. I will still be reading your blogs. (it's not as if i'm dying or anything)

You will miss me. hehehehhee. ok, ok, i will miss you too.

Peaceout.

anu daw???!!

2006-03-25T04:44:00.000+08:00

kwento ko lang...
Last December , i was calling residency programs re applications..

me: Hi, good afternoon. i'm calling to ask if you still accept applications this late?

voice: Uhtelenery.

me: (syet...ano daw?? panic panic!!) uh, come again?

voice: Uthelenery.

me: (tae talaga!) uh, excuse me?

voice: Uthelenery.

me: (nakakahiya na to!!!!) I beg your pardon? (last na yan kse naubusan na ako ng inggles)

voice: UP-TIL-JENUERY!! (exasperated)

me: oh ok ok, tenkyu babay.

baba na ng phone. nagpanic na ako eh.
pengeng tissue! dinudugu na ilung ku.

email na lang kasi.

****
tama na serious posts. nauubusan na ako.

jerome

2006-03-19T16:51:00.000+08:00

Don't these pictures make you smile? That's because he is, in real life, a delightful individual. His witty remarks never fail to amuse even the most revered and dignified people. Big, happy, warm fella.

But these pictures make me sad. He was another doctor who said goodbye to the world two days ago. With his built, maybe we saw it coming..but not this soon...not this soon.

The bleed that got you made you linger a few days more before Death, which may have been a blessing, took you. By that time everyone had already sent you a prayer.

Goodbye, jerome. It has been a pleasure knowing you.

At Long Last..

2006-03-15T14:48:00.000+08:00

One year and three months of uncertainty, stress, exams, and desperation - almost to the point of giving up...

And it all ended at noon yesterday with these six words.

Match Results: Congratulations, you have matched!

Finally.

*****

For the next three years, this will be my home. I will be training for Family Practice in this hospital, the University of Texas Medical Branch (UTMB).

Sneakers

2006-03-07T14:11:00.000+08:00

I look down and see my stinky, dirty pair of shoes. My dad doesn't think i should wear them. My sis and brother-in-law think they're disgusting. Others, probably, just don't have the guts to ridicule them in my face.

I find it fascinating that most people my age are living in their own apartments or houses. Well they’ve had a good headstart. While I was slaving away in medical school, they were already climbing their corporate ladders. Practically everyone i know from elementary and high school is out there earning his own keep, with an investment somewhere. A lot of them have their own cars and can afford to buy their every whim- the latest cellular phones or mp3 players and the latest electronic gadgets. I may not have all of those yet, but I have my shoes to be proud of.

What makes these shoes special? They're mine. I bought them with MY own money and i officially call it my first investment - my first possession that didn't come from Dad's money. It was the only nice pair that would fit my budget (plus it was on sale at that time). Dad would have gladly given me money to get a better pair but I'm 27 years old for pete's sakes (not to mention that he pays my rent, my phone bill, and gives me my monthly allowance).

My sneakers have brought me to moonlighting jobs (don't judge a physician by his shoes), USMLE review sessions at McDonalds and countless trips to the mall. They walked me through the trip from Manila to Texas , and through the different landmarks between San Francisco and Houston.

They have always kept my feet warm until a couple of weeks ago when i felt the cold creeping to my toes while waiting at the bus stop. I noticed that there were rips on each of the dorsal surfaces of my beloved ones. My shoes were worn out and it was time to replace them.

I bought a new pair at Marshall's (courtesy of Dad's money) and before i throw the old ones tomorrow, i decided to take a picture of them.

When I start earning, I will have many shoes. Maybe I will write about them too when I’ve nothing to blog about (like now). They will be of better quality and style and probably won’t smell as bad as my old ones. Why? Because they won’t have all the time to get to know my feet as well as my first investment did.

Inday

2006-02-22T08:46:00.000+08:00

Inday has been with the baby since dani was 6 months old. Now dani is turning three and the two are inseparable. They go to bed together, eat together, and play together. When dani goes for a bubble bath or pupu, Inday patiently waits for her behind the bathroom door.

But Dani's endearment to Inday has its sacrifices. Look at her closely. She sports what seems to be like a five-o-clock shadow. But she’s a girl and that which appears to be a beard is actually the outcome of months of kissing Dani – dried sweat, tears, drool, and chocolate. You cannot possibly not get a sniff because that doll's head will be forced up your face for a kiss (you have to kiss Inday when Dani tells you to do so). And she's been washed only a total of three times (the last one notwithstanding Dani's screams).

Today she needed to be washed again. Dani cried, of course, but we went the lengths of explaining to her that Inday was just going to take a bath and that she'll be back tonite to sleep with her.

Looking at Inday sitting serenely in the washer, i mulled at how perfect it would be were it that easy to cleanse oneself of life's blemishes.

But when she came out of the dryer, i figured out that life's stains, such as Inday's, are a little bit tougher to erase.

and those permanent stains make Inday, to Dani, simply Inday.

Bored

2006-02-11T12:38:00.000+08:00

To make use of my idle hours (which is like 24 /7), here's what i've been doing so far.

Ann-Marie Macdonald's Fall On Your Knees.
Very good read. Try to get a copy. It's on Oprah's Book Club list.

Franz Kafka's The Trial.
Weirdbook. It's officially my pupu book. Helps pass the time while i sit on the throne.

I cannot believe i missed out on a lot of good movies. Well ok, i believe i missed out on a lot of good movies. Will someone ask me out to a movie more often?!? Sheesh, i'm only a txt msg away. (balita ko umakyat na daw presyo ng sine sa pinas ah)

Windtalkers. I love war movies.

Kingdom of Heaven. I love medieval movies.

The Skeleton Key. I love Horror movies.

Star Wars III. I love Sci-fi movies.

Hustle and Flow. Lots of profanity here but i liked the movie.
See? I practically like all kinds of movies!

I also tried my hand at cooking.

Beef and Cabbage Casserole. Yummy.

Baked Potatoes. don't they look delicious?? Blech! they're not.

I'm so bored. i can't even think of anyting to blog about. any suggestions? please please give me topics to write about.

Certified!

2006-02-01T05:16:00.000+08:00

Finally.

To God be the glory.

Baboy part2

2006-01-25T18:42:00.000+08:00

see Baboy part1

i saw this in the San Diego Zoo. Please Click to enlarge.

i was looking around for men in barongs and big bellies but i only saw the cute pigs.

oh, i didn't read the fine print. It read "critically endangered".

I guess our well dressed pigs are far from extinction. poor Philippines.

USMLE step2 CSA

2006-01-20T15:12:00.000+08:00

Our records indicate that you have already passed Step 2 CS or the ECFMG Clinical Skills Assessment (CSA®).

yahuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tenchu Lord.

kalbo

2006-01-18T17:53:00.000+08:00

presyo ng gupit ko sa pinas: P185

presyo ng gupit ko nung nakaraang buwan: $15 (kamahalan!)

presyo ng gupit ko ngayon: priceless.

Waaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Nakita kong ginugupitan ng ate ko ung bayaw ko sa banyo. Isip ko, aba! dito na din ako magpagupit para makatipid ng $15! ang wais ko talaga!

habang nakaupo ako at ginagamitan na ng electric clipper ang buhok sa gilid ng ulo ko, napaisip ako bigla......simula nung umalis ng pinas ung bayaw ko ay lagi na lang kalbo ang kanyang ulo. Tae!!!! (este...jebbers!)

pagtingin ko sa salamin nasa tuktok na ng ulo ko ung clipper.

bubbye hair, bubbye....

***
buti na lang pogi ako, hay, tenchu Lord.